Christmasing

December 23rd. Two day before Christmas! This needs to be fast but I thought I would post some pics of some of the Christmasing we have been up to. Ben had to go into work for a couple hours this morning and I need to finish packing, load the car, and feed the girls...but I know if I don't post these things now they will get lost in the mix of things when we return home from SLC. We have had such a fun holiday season.
We went to an ornament exchange party, a gingerbread house making party, a baby Christmas exchange, and to a Holiday Light Village with some friends. We have been busy making tons of cookies for neighbors and the girls have been much more active playing with toys, with friends, and with each other. So, so cute. A great neighbor even came over and watched the girls for a couple hours and Ben and I went to Benihana. Merry, Merry Christmas!

Sayonara

Goodbye. I won't miss you. Using this little devil is the only time I'm actually a little embarrassed to be with myself.

My baby girls will be 6 months old on Christmas Day and I'm just a couple days away from being completely done breastfeeding. I told myself I was quitting before my in-laws came to stay in September. Then I said I would absolutely be done by Thanksgiving but I couldn't do it. Now I'm finally wrapping up. I will miss some of those sweet early morning feedings and the few precious moments I found breastfeeding amidst many hectic ones. I'm glad I stuck with it and even though I feel very ready to quit and believe my girls have had enough of it as well...I'm still a little sad knowing its over.


I know 6 months is not much compared to so many super moms out there-- but I feel pretty darn proud of myself. For Christmas I'm giving myself the freedom to quit guilt-free. And expecting a present from my husband for my valiant effort. Hope you're reading Benjamin...

Christmas Photo Shoot

I was giving the girls a bath this morning and they were being SOOO cute and smiley and laughing their heads off at me singing Christmas songs to them. So when I put them down for their morning nap I started concocting a plan for a beautiful Christmas photo shoot. Grandma sent darling dresses in the mail. Perfect. I threw a sheet over the couch in the nursery and got out an extra string of Christmas lights, a Christmasy blanket, berries, and all kinds of props that I thought might be cute and entertaining for Evie and Rosie. I was so excited for them to wake up so I could dress them up and start taking some amazing pictures. No professionals needed.

Complete disaster. 30 minutes and a zillion pictures later and not one smile. Not one. I was making all kinds of crazy noises, dangling lights, shaking berries, singing jingle bells, and they mostly just stared at me or screamed in protest or terror. I was totally frustrated and the girls hated it. They dropped off to sleep almost instantly when I stopped clicking away. Exhausted.

Christmas Lesson Learned: Trying too hard and stressing yourself and everyone around you out is a recipe for disappointment. Everything about Christmas is better when you enjoy all the little moments that just happen on their own.

Silent Night, Holy Night

Now I don't want to jinx it (because sleeping patterns seem to come in waves of wonderful and horrific at our house) but Evelyn and Rosemary have continued since I last blogged to sleep at least 9 1/2 hours in a row each night. Hallelujah! I keep waiting for it to end but each morning I roll over when Ben's alarm goes off and light is just beginning to come in through the window and realize they did it again.
8 days in a row: a Christmas miracle. :)

FOR-E-VER

Sitting on the couch listening to Christmas music while my two little butterballs sit in their bouncers talking up a storm, spitting up, and kicking their legs inside their sleeper sacks. Big smiles every time I turn to look at them. Two nights ago when they decided 1:30am was breakfast time I had a breakdown which took both Ben and I by surprise. Just the prospect of being a mother FOREVER is a little overwhelming. I know every stage passes so quickly but it's not just the stage-- I'll still be their mom when they are finally sleeping through the night consistently and feeding themselves. My mom is still making Sunday dinners for everyone, solving all my problems, killing herself putting Christmas together for her kids and she has been a mom for 30 years. When you become a mom it occupies an enormous part of your daily life and identity for the rest of your life. I love being a mom-- I really do despite all my posts that may make it seem otherwise-- but I'm still coming to grips with this forever change. The new me. There are no breaks, vacations, or weekends from motherhood. My mother in law was just in town making meals, cleaning, helping, reminding, counseling...just being a "mom" to her 26 year old son and family. Most days I love the idea that I will always be that central figure in Rosemary's and Evelyn's life but other days, it really scares me. Motherhood is forever and I think that is one of the most beautiful and most difficult things about it.

I swear these girls conspire together when planning our days. Just when I think I might head for the hills they work together to turn everything around. They slept 9:30pm-8am two nights in a row and now the world is a better place. Rosie has been an absolute doll the last week or so- really only crying to alert me that it is time to eat but never in between. Evie on the other hand, has switched places with the old Rosie (dragon baby) and is far fussier. She may be teething but who really knows. The nurse at my pediatricians office told me to go ahead and give Tylenol around the clock and when I said I didn't want to do that unless she was legitimately teething she said "well motherhood is really all guesswork- isn't it?" So we are still guessing...

We had a fun few days with Grandma in town. It is sure nice having an extra set of hands and eyes. I was able to get my haircut, errands run, and take Evie to the eye doctor stress free. I even had time to finish my book! (The Space Between Us-- very good) We went to the Christmas ward breakfast, house hunting, and into Denver to look at the lights and see Santa.

Oh and something else I forgot to mention last time that has been a major life changer: Ben and I joined a gym! It is right next door to our apartment building and super nice...albeit super expensive. But it is a temporary luxury that has been well worth it. They have a wonderful childcare center with a newborn room filled with baby swings and infant toys and darling girls who watch them for up to two hours a day! We go almost everyday after work for an hour and work out or play tennis and it is so fabulous. This is a big step toward being healthier and saner parents. Now I just need to clear out my fridge of all the sabotaging pumpkin pie, fudge, sugar cookies, and ice cream.

December Already

December first... really?? Looks like I only blogged ONCE in November. Pretty ridiculous. We spent another week in SLC for Thanksgiving and that always throws my blogging off. Every other time I attempted to write I would just end up catching up on other people's blogs until Rosie or Evie called for my attention. So here I am.

Thanksgiving was fabulous. I love the food (especially sweet potatoes)and the Christmas music playing in the kitchen, and the Friday shopping and movie going and just general good family time. We were worried about not being able to make it through Wyoming with the "giant blizzard" that was coming so we ended up leaving early and getting to be in town for a whole week.

Baby Lily came home from the hospital and was able to be home for Thanksgiving which was wonderful. She is so tiny and dear and peaceful. Evelyn and Rosemary had a Thanksgiving feast all of their own. Rice cereal! We are still learning but I think they really like it!




Besides the meal and time spent with family and friends, the highlight for me was most definitely seeing the new Harry Potter. SO good. For some reason Rosie and Evie were quite cranky the entire week (little miss evie especially...teething????) and when you are trying to take care of two fussy babies with an audience of a big family who are trying to watch something or have an audible conversation-- it can get a little stressful.

It was so nice to go baby-free (5 months old-- 2nd outing ever) to such a magical movie and my heart sank a little bit as we left the dark theater and I was back in my own life. Ben and I watched movies 1-6 the week before and seeing the last one sent me into a 24 hour obsession of wishing I was Hermione Granger. I know, I know...but I couldn't help it. I just couldn't get it out of my head! I would love to be smart and skinny and ride the Hogwarts Express and hang out with Ron and Harry all day. Ben and I had a good two hour discussion about it on our drive home and he convinced me that not only would I stink at being Hermione because I would cry all the time and be too scared to fight Voldemort but that the life I have already is pretty darn good and full of its own adventures.

We are back in Colorado which comes with mixed feelings. It has been a lot easier being away with so many frequent trips and another right around the corner for Christmas. Going out of town with all the packing, driving, and family scrambling has also made me appreciate my quieter life here in our little apartment. Everything in its place and back on our normal schedule. Speaking of which, I need to get to cleaning and pulling fabric leaves off the windows and putting away Thanksgiving to make way for Christmas! I'm a few days behind already...

Home Again, Home Again

I wish I would have gotten it together to blog last week...or the week before. I hate feeling like I have so much to catch up on and always end up covering entire weeks and events with big blanket statements and can never decided on which pics to use. But oh well. I loved being in Salt Lake with my family. I saw so many good friends and had such a good time just being around my family. Rosemary and Evelyn had a fabulous first Halloween going to Cornbelly's, to the ward party, trick-or-treating and then hanging out with a bunch of friends at my parents house. That was actually Oct 30th...Utah Halloween. We jumped in the car early on Sunday (the 31st) to get home in time for a Halloween party one of our friends in Colorado was having but never made it. Our car broke down in Larime, Wyoming where we had to stay the night in the Super8 motel because their wasn't a mechanic open on Sunday. Scariest Halloween yet. Ben had to jog a couple miles to a supermarket to get baby formula, we had to sneak poor Clover into the motel, and the car didn't even get fixed the next day because they didn't have the right part. We ended up needing to get a rental car to drive the remaining 2 hours home and come back for the car a couple days later. AND the motel charged us for two nights instead of just one because we were 30 minutes late checking out because Ben was trying to get a ride back from the car dealership. Oh man.

I was thinking the whole car extravaganza was a major sign that we shouldn't be going back to Colorado. We had a big discussion (again) about what is best for our family and it really is a tough call. I do love Salt Lake and I really do miss being around my family and old friends. But I've been surprised by how much I have liked being in Colorado this last week. I was anticipating that old homesick pit in my stomach to be waiting for me when we arrived, but it wasn't. Maybe I just needed a nice long trip to Salt Lake? I guess time will tell. I am very lucky to have a husband that will even entertain the idea of packing up and moving back just to appease me...but I'm not so sure I could let him do that.

Baby Lily continues to struggle in the hospital. Lots of hard days and even harder decisions. She is the sweetest thing. It stinks being far away again but I realize I wasn't very much help when I was there. I was anticipating being much more useful by helping babysit Ella and Ava while Erin was up at the hospital...but things usually just erupted into chaos.
4 month old Evie + 4 month old Rosie+ 6 month old Ava + 2 year old Ella (all desperate for attention)= WAY TOO MUCH CRYING. So as much as I'd like to be there...its probably better that I'm not. Thanksgiving is only a couple weeks away!

Rosie and Evie had their 4 month appointment with darling Dr. Bucknam. They weigh 13 lbs 9 oz and 13 lbs 8 oz, the 50th and 45th percentile for weight. Rosie is 25 inches long and Evie is an inch shorter. They are both big headed beauties in the 70th and 80th percentile. Everyone always thinks Evie is the bigger baby even though she is shorter and weighs slightly less...but that big noggin throws people off. Both girls are talking more and more, laughing (SO CUTE) and are rolling over sporadically. They are eating 5 oz bottles and breastfeeding (switching off)for 6 feedings a day and sleeping from about 9pm to 5am. What good girls!

We had a really nice weekend in the beautiful warm weather. Winter, please never come! Friday we ate at yummy Jason's deli with the free soft-serve (best thing)and Saturday we went jogging with the girls (so good to exercise!) and went to Saturday Night at the Museum. It is part of the Denver Arts Festival where they open up all the museums late at night for FREE and provide buses to take you to all of them. So fun. I loved being in the city. We are surrounded by so much farmland and I'm still not quite used to the different landscape. I think frequent trips into Denver will definitely need to be part of my "making Colorado feel like home" attempt. Sunday we went to church and had a lovely dinner at a friends house. Great weekend...Boo for Mondays...

Baby Lily

My older sister had Lily on Sunday morning. Ben and I were planning on heading to Salt Lake on Friday to come and see her but we had a quick change of plans. We were sitting in sacrament meeting waiting for more texts and pics of this new sweet baby and Ben turned to me and said: "You need to be with your family." We drove home from church, packed up the car, and less then 2 hours later we were on the road. Thank you to my wonderful husband for getting me here.

Lily is my sisters fourth daughter, and second born with partial trisomy 16 partial monosomy 9...which is a chromosomal problem. Charlotte was her first trisomy baby and passed away February 2009 at 3 1/2 years old after being loved and obsessed over by everyone that knew her. We weren't sure how long Lily would be here but after a couple scary days, it seems she is here to stay for awhile. She is still in the NICU but is making progress everyday. My sister is an amazing writer and also a nurse and is therefore much better at conveying the details on her blog which is http://booferd.blogspot.com. We've been to the hospital a lot but somehow I always forget my camera...these pics are courtesy of her blog.

It has been so, so good to be here. So special to see such a beautiful new baby. So nice to be with my sister and family. So fun to have my girls play with their cousins, aunts, uncle and grandparents. Ben kept telling me during my bouts with homesickness that I was idealizing Utah but it turns out I wasn't. It really is THAT great.

Visiting Lily in the NICU has brought back so many memories from when Rosie and Evie were there. All the beeping alarms and tubes. Bad memories of postpartum sobbing, loneliness, and rocking babies that won't finish their bottles. But also really sweet memories of being there late at night with Ben on the Fourth of July. Being with my mom there in the mornings. Good friends making a special effort to come and see them.

While they were there, Ben and I talked about Charlotte a lot. I miss that little girl. We always knew Rosemary and Evelyn were going to be just fine but we got a tiny glimpse of how hard it is to have babies in the hospital. It is torture watching them be poked and pricked and not being able to take them home with you. I don't know how my sister and her husband survived it the first time with Charlotte, and now they are starting round 2 with Lily.

But I do know that they can do it. This is what life is all about. I know these babies are special and have a very important mission. They receive a body and are born into an eternal family which I think is the only part of their mission that is for themselves. They don't ever walk to take themselves places or talk to tell you what they would like to do. Their mission is selfless. Charlotte brought so much joy and love with her and strengthened our family more during her short life than any other single event. Having children teaches us so much about service and sacrifice and real Christ-like love. It helps us learn how to love like our Father in Heaven loves us and to become the kind of people He needs us to be. I don't think anything else comes close. These special babies intensify the process and have the power to extend that teaching and love beyond just their parents but into the world around them. They are the most humble, beautiful, tender of teachers. Their presence extends the arms of heaven.

I'm so grateful to have the Gospel and these beautiful truths in my life. I am so grateful that families are forever and that one day I'll be able to hug and thank Charlotte for everything she did. For now though, I'm so excited to get to know baby Lily and learn from her.

Pumpkin Patch

We went to a darling pumpkin patch last Friday run by a family of farmers. It had a little stacked hay maze for kids, a pretty impressive corn maze for us, and one of those great pumpkin fields and red wagons for you to go find your perfect pumpkin. It had farm animals and new baby kittens and a barn dog. Completely free family fun. Well...completely free for those that don't get a $105 speeding ticket on their way to said pumpkin patch. Boo.

I love fall and Halloween and everything that comes with it. I love temperatures in the 60s and 70s. I love that wonderful crisp dry leaf smell and wearing sweaters and boots. I love crunching through the leaves and baking pumpkin cookies, pies, and breads. I love fall and Halloween decorations and having a bowl of candy corn on the table. Home feels so much more homey in the fall...even away from home.