goals and effort

We had an awesome Memorial Day weekend. We FINALLY made it to the Denver Temple and it was wonderful. It has been on our to-do list for too long and we have goals set to get back again soon. I appreciate it even more now that it seems so much harder to go. Sitting and just being still and quiet is such a blessing. We just took turns doing intiatories but even the time I spent out on the grounds with the girls was rejuvenating and sweet. The effort to get there is so worth it.

We also had friends over for a weenie roast and went to a BBQ and a birthday party.

 We ran the Boulder Boulder today which is a really fun 10K jam packed with hooligans. The streets are lined with OLD wrinkled bejeweled women belly dancing, kids passing out marshmallows, doritos, bacon, and beer and spraying runners with water guns and hoses. Bands, karaoke stops, kissing booths, and muddy slip n slides on peoples lawns make for an interesting run. Even with all the distractions, I still felt like it was hard. I have been running five miles several times a week and have done 6.5 a couple times and felt pretty good.  I was counting on adrenaline and the "race day high" people keep talking about to help carry me through but it just wasn't there for me. I had a really great time but it didn't make the actual moving my body part any easier. I felt heavy and slow and that was disappointing.

I had two goals for race day, one spoken and one secret. 
1. Finish in under an hour.
2. Beat Ben.

Failed on both fronts.
I finished the 6.2 miles in 62 minutes which I can live with. It wasn't under an hour but is consistent with the average 10 minute mile pace I've been keeping. I know that seems snail-like to a real runner, but it's pretty great for me.

Ben crushed me. He ran it in 56 minutes. I wouldn't begrudge him at all if I felt like he earned it with more actual training. Basketball, spinning, and 2 mile runs on the treadmill don't count.
He's a rock star.








 I, on the other hand,  have been running my tail off. In fact I'm 100% positive I've covered more miles running in the last month than I have in my entire life combined which is pretty pathetic. I've always hated running with all my heart and have actually gotten to a place where I get some enjoyment from it. Mostly it's just sheer amazement that I am capable of doing it.

Running is rewarding. It makes me happier and less stressed. I love focusing on miles moved instead of calories consumed. It makes me feel strong and healthy. It makes me feel closer to a me I always wished I was. All this is true but I definitely think I enjoy the idea of being a "runner" more than I actually enjoy running. I'm a work in progress.

 I'm signed up to do a half marathon with my sister in July which kinda makes me feel like puking. After today, I'm much more nervous. I always told my self that ONE DAY I wanted to run a half but right now I feel like letting that goal slip into the "before I die" category and out of "plans for the summer". 



Originally, I convinced myself to do it because I'm turning the big 3-0 in a few short months. Time to check off some goals. I'm also hoping to get pregnant sometime around then too and will get good and fat again. No more running for me. And my sister and some other family and friends are all signed up so that is certainly motivating.

Lots of good reasons to run, run, run and seemingly the perfect time to make this happen. It's unfortunate that even with all the best goals, distractions, motivations and support in the world there are no short cuts. YOU have to put in the training, the effort, the time and pound out every... single...step.
Which is the best and the worst of it. Mostly the worst.

Ta-da!

Ta-Da! number 1 is the fabulous backyard that Ben worked tirelessly on mostly while I was away in Salt Lake about a month ago. He has since been making additions including the Aspen trees in the planter box behind the fire pit, the garden of flowers in the corner box he gave me for Mothers Day, and the solar lights that are now around the perimeter of the yard. Eventually we will add some more plants and perhaps a flagstone pathway leading up to the fire pit. My favorite part of the whole thing is all the new lovely grass. So much of the yard was unusable beforehand and there was basically just an oval of grass surrounded by a bunch of gravel. What kid wants to play on rocks?

 I'm totally sold on the fire pit now even though I wasn't so sure when Ben was originally scheming. We have had a few weenie roasts out there and it's pretty great. One of my favorite activities has always been driving up the canyon for a good roast and we haven't found a good place to do that in Colorado yet. Quite convenient right out in the backyard.

Ben and I have enjoyed just sitting out there at night after the girls go to bed. He really did an awesome job.

Backyard Before:

Backyard After:

My less interesting Ta-da number 2 is that I finally went and got PRK done on my eyes last Friday. My very generous parents offered to pay for one eye for each of my siblings for Christmas and I've just been trying to work out the odds and ends since. PRK is for those that don't qualify for LASIK and has a much longer recovery period. I had kinda abandoned the whole idea after Erin had it done by a sadist friend of my dads and spent the weekend moaning on the bathroom floor and claiming she needed to be hooked up to an IV at the hospital. Pretty rough. But after Alex had a smoother recovery and being totally fed up with all my contact issues, I decided to brave it anyway.

I was fortunate enough to go to a real doctor and didn't have such an unpleasant experience. Sunday was pretty darn painful and I spent the entire day knocked out on pain killers in my darkened bedroom...which definitely had its perks, not gonna lie.:)

When I wasn't in my bedroom...actually even when I was in my bedroom...I walked around like this. Or even less attractively with a scarf wrapped multiple times around my face which we didn't capture with a picture. Today my vision isn't perfect yet (it takes awhile to fully heal) but I'm feeling pretty much 100% and very grateful to be out of the dark and not have to deal with contacts anymore. Hooray! Thank you to my parents and Benny for making it possible.

Happy Moms

 “During my professional career as a doctor of medicine, I was occasionally asked why I chose to do that difficult work. I responded with my opinion that the highest and noblest work in this life is that of a mother. Since that option was not available to me, I thought that caring for the sick might come close. I tried to care for my patients as compassionately and competently as my mother cared for me.
Many years ago the First Presidency issued a statement that has had a profound and lasting influence upon me. “Motherhood,” they wrote, “is near to divinity. It is the highest, holiest service to be assumed by mankind. It places her who honors its holy calling and service next to the angels.”
Russell M. Nelson, 


And so, my dear young women, with all my heart I urge you not to look to contemporary culture for your role models and mentors. Please look to your faithful mothers for a pattern to follow. Model yourselves after them, not after celebrities whose standards are not the Lord’s standards and whose values may not reflect an eternal perspective. Look to your mother. Learn from her strengths, her courage, and her faithfulness. Listen to her. She may not be a whiz at texting; she may not even have a Facebook page. But when it comes to matters of the heart and the things of the Lord, she has a wealth of knowledge…No other person on earth loves you in the same way or is willing to sacrifice as much to encourage you and help you find happiness—in this life and forever.
M. Russell Ballard

May I say to mothers collectively, in the name of the Lord, you are magnificent. Rely on your Father in Heaven. Rely on Him heavily. Rely on Him forever. And “press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope.” You are doing God’s work. You are doing it wonderfully well. He is blessing you and He will bless you, even—no, especially—when your days and your nights may be the most challenging.”
Elder Jeffery R. Holland


May each of us treasure this truth: One cannot forget mother and remember God. One cannot remember mother and forget God. Why? Because these two sacred persons, God and mother are partners in creation, in love, in sacrifice, in service, they are as one.
President Thomas S Monson

Last Wednesday for Activity Days we had a mother/daughter dessert night and I used the above quotes as talking points. I thought they were worth sharing. We also played a guessing game where I read answers to questions I had collected from the mothers. The girls had to figure out when I was spotlighting their mom. Then we passed out the gifts the girls made and each mother/daughter stood up and said something that they love about each other. It was a really nice evening. Lots of the girls said things about their moms making food for them or reading to them or doing their laundry. Two responses from the eight year old girls included:  "I love my mom because she is always so cheery" and "I love hearing my mom laugh."

These two little sentences and a conversation I had with one of my dear friends that afternoon about the stresses of motherhood have been spinning in my head this weekend.

I hit a rough patch this winter. I wasn't a very happy mother. I spent a lot of time crying, worrying, complaining and just feeling down. I feel like a totally different person than I was a few months ago. I am happy. And this I realize is a gift to myself and to my children (and to Ben no doubt).

I grew up in a happy home with a happy mother. I have such fond memories of specific times being with my mom when she was laughing so hard she couldn't catch her breath and had tears running down her cheeks. In San Francisco making fun of my dad and his too tight shoes, sitting next to her on an airplane taking some very close up pictures, and dumping popcorn all over each other in the movie Where the Heart Is. Happiness. Even now, I can't think of many things that bring me more comfort than calling my mom and hearing her stories and her laugh. Thank you Mom.

I think there are few gifts that you can give your children that are better than just being happy. When moms are happy, it spreads throughout the house. Happy moms create happy kids who feel more safe and secure in their world.

As moms we are drilled with pressures, stresses, and guilt. Things we should be doing with our kids, things we should be teaching our kids, places they should be going, classes they should be enrolled in. We want to give our children everything. But I think being a happy, "cheery" mom trumps them all. Of course we should be bending over backwards for our kids. Of course our world should revolve around them. Motherhood by trade, is going to come with a truckload of self sacrifice. But don't forget about doing the things that make you happy. Seek out those things and make time for them. Figure out the things that really weigh you down or stress you out and if you can, reduce or eliminate them. Just be happy. For you, for your husband, for your children.

I spent 11 glorious hours in bed Saturday night and woke up this morning to chocolates on the kitchen table and a garden of flowers all set up outside ready to be planted. Including three little lilac bushes. :) Thank you to my Ben for being so good to me all day and always.

After weeks of close to perfect church behavior and a very sweet, snugly weekend, Rosie and Evie were particularly monstrous today. They don't perform well under pressure, I suppose. But I am sure thankful for them. Here is my sweet Evie, hoarding all the bears and babies that she can possibly get her hands on. And my silly Rose, trying on clothes she fishes out of bins from the laundry room. When I found her she was trying to put on one of her daddies socks. Oh they are dear. 

We met up for a movie night with some great friends later that evening. Being able to put the girls to bed at other peoples houses gives me the sense of some fabulous freedom we haven't had for a while. All in all, it was a wonderful Mothers Day. 

The Great Outdoors

The girls just started holding hands and it is the cutest thing in the whole world. I've been needing to blog for quite a few weeks and I just haven't had the time or motivation to get to it. We had an amazing few days up in Steamboat with Ben parents and Cindy and Chris. Then we came back and Daniel and Becca joined us for the weekend. It was gorgeous up in Steamboat, so fun to get away, and so fun to play games and catch up with family. Nothing is rejuvenating like being in the mountains. Highlights were Scum during nap, the hot springs, hiking, Boondocks, and eating at our favorite Creek Side Cafe.

We got hiking backpacks at the twin sale this year (2 for $30---what a steal) and are loving using them. It is still quite the load with our big, beautiful girls on our backs but so worth it. Evie and Rose LOVE riding in them and seeing the world from a new perspective.

We really love Steamboat. There isn't a ton to do with babies in tow but we sure do enjoy our favorite things. I love taking pictures in the same spots to compare over the years.

Here is us at our favorite restaurant.

2012

2010

2009

                                            And hiking.

2012

2010: didn't do the waterfall hike with the tiny girls.

2009

We also did a little hiking last weekend in Boulder with Cindy and Chris and they showed us a fabulous spot called Chautauqua with great trails . Getting out and being outdoors is exactly what Colorado is supposed to be good for and I'm excited to take advantage of it this summer and fall.