Christmas

We had a wonderful Christmas. Ben's mom and dad came into town on the 18th followed by the rest of the family, ending our Christmas extravaganza on the 28th. By the end we had 15 people in the house and it was busy and crazy but a ton of fun.  Rosie and Evie were in heaven and very much distracted from their mischief by their grandparents, aunties, uncles and their cousin Sadie. They were in a darling Christmas preschool program, we delivered bum bags to the homeless Christmas Eve and walked Temple Square, had a wonderful family devotional about the Savior, and spent lots of quality time playing games and eating an enormous amount of Christmas goodies.

 

 

 

 

 

We also blessed our perfect Gwena at home the Sunday evening before Christmas with both our families there and it was very special and sweet. Part of her blessing said that she will continue to be a source of a joy and peace to her family. Oh that girl...the best Christmas gift of all.

 

 

 

We took a ride with my family on the Polar Express on the 21rst and the girls absolutely loved it. We drank hot cocoa, ate cookies, danced with elves, and met Santa. So good to have Jake and Rachel home from Texas. I've really missed them.

  

 

I finally feel better! The infection that was driving me crazy was also in my uterus, not just on the skin on the outside.  I ended up on antibiotics through an IV at home because the oral medication just wasn't cutting it. It was a total drag being hooked up to a pole every six hours to get my meds but it was definitely worth it. By Christmas eve I felt pretty much 100% and I'm so grateful.

The Friday after Christmas we attended Grandpa Richardson's funeral and it was an awesome service and dedication to him. He has a enormous legacy of 42 grand children, 167 great grandchildren, and 3+ great, great grand children. We all stood to sing Families Can Be Together Forever and I felt lucky to be a part of a group of such good, righteous, strong people.

Rosie and Evie were spoiled rotten and got so many wonderful gifts. Ben and his dad stayed up late Christmas Eve putting together a beautiful bunk bed for the girls and they haven't stopped playing in it since. Evie has been obsessed with Rapunzel and got a Rapunzel Barbie doll, a Rapunzel baby doll, an enormous 3ft tall Rapunzel doll, and a Rapunzel dress. She was in heaven. Rosie got Belle dolls, a giant cuddly dinosaur which she wanted from Santa and a huge assortment of other things. Christmas just gets more and more fun every year with these two. Gwena had a lovely Christmas either enjoying the lights laying under the tree or being snuggled by all her family.

December can be very overwhelming but it's worth all the craziness to be able to spend so much time with family. I'm both sad and relieved it's over. The goals I set to get better, to stop yelling, and to focus on the true meaning of Christmas were accomplished and it was a wonderful holiday.

 

 

Bah Humbug

A little bit of what we have been up to: We had a wonderful Thanksgiving. We went and saw Frozen in the morning and then had a great dinner at my moms. The girls brought jello jigglers to a preschool Thanksgiving feast. We have been scrambling since to get ready for Christmas. We went down to Thanksgiving Point with Erin and Shannon and their families and took fun Santa pics and drove around and saw the lights. We had friends over for a holiday brunch. We've had some big storms and Rosie and Evie have been loving playing in all the snow. Ben built the girls a sledding hill in the backyard. He also built a gorgeous mantle in the living room for me to hang stockings from. We took the girls to the live Nativity at Liberty Park in the freezing cold and they loved it. We had Ben's Christmas work party and it was fun to meet all the crazy guys he is always telling me about. The garage door broke. A detective came to the house and told us they arrested a man who was carrying Gwena's social security card. Mail theft...bah humbug.

I keep meaning to sit down and blog but so much of my life is sitting and nursing right now that there isn't a lot of extra time for sitting and typing. Rosie and Evie are crazy about Gwena but they are starting to get frustrated with how often I have to put them off to go feed "baby sister". It's a big transition for them. I'm trying to make a valiant effort to be more patient with my two big girls and give them more focused attention. They have been making all kinds of mischief lately with their ample time and opportunity while I'm trying to get the baby fed or go pump so we can leave the house.  It is mostly innocent play and I know they are just bored but I've been pretty frustrated with them this week. I know I've been expecting too much from them and I'm trying to handle things better and find more structured things for them to do to keep them out of trouble.

I love this time of year but part of me kinda doesn't. I love the gift giving and the baking and the shopping and the parties and the Chritmas cards but it always seems to snowball out of control and become so overwhelming. Maybe I feel particularly overwhelmed because we are always on such a tight schedule with Gwena needing to be fed. Getting out the door with everyone seems a lot harder lately and I just haven't worked out all the kinks of our new life and schedule. Plus I haven't been feeling great. My stupid incision from my C-section got infected right before Thanksgiving and really slowed me down. I went to the doctor and got on antibiotics which pretty much cleared it up. But slowly it has started  hurting again, at first just a night but has now reopened and hurts all the time. It is so painful and I'm just fed up with this healing process. It's hard to be sick or not to feel 100% in any capacity this busy time of year but even worse when the pain comes from moving or lifting or reaching or squatting which are all a big part of a moms day with little kids. I know a lot of my frustration is that I feel like there is so much to do and I'm pushing my self too hard, too soon when I'm not all the way healed. I felt really good for about a week in between finishing up my first cycle of antibiotics and when the infection came back and it was wonderful...I'm so ready for that. I just want to feel like myself. I see my doctor again on Monday and hopefully we can get this resolved.

 I have been writing a post in my head the last few weeks about how I love being a mom and I love this special time of year. But this post isn't it. As per usual, this post is mostly complaining. I know I sound like a grouchy scrooge and I need to turn it around because I really do feel so lucky.

 I love reading Christmas books with my kids at night and seeing them peer up the chimney looking for Santa. It is so wonderful  to stay cozy inside snuggling a brand new baby and baking with two adorable eager toddlers. I have the best, most helpful and supportive husband in the entire world. I am so thankful for my family and I'm so happy to be in Utah and for the very happy and blessed life I have. I'm so excited to see and spend time with all the family coming in town this coming week. I just need to feel better and stop being so short with Rosie and Evie and spend more time focusing on the true meaning of Christmas and not all the fluff. That is my goal for the next 10 days. Get better. No more yelling. Focus on what matters.

Luckily, Gwena continues to be the best baby in the world. She is 5 1/2 weeks old and  I'm completely obsessed with her. She sleeps every night from 10ish to at least 3am and sometimes goes till 5:30am. She finally really woke up when she was about 3 weeks old and does a lot more crying but in general she is happy and so darling. I love having a new baby and am mesmerized by her amazing smiles and tiny kicking legs and perfect little coos. She certainly makes life a little crazier and a little louder but so, so much sweeter.

 

Gwena Florence

The next day, Thursday November 7th at 3:50pm this beautiful, perfect baby girl was born.
Gwena Florence Meakin
8 lb 12 oz,  21 inches

 

That Thursday morning, I went in for another NST and ran into my ob who actually had the week off but was in the building taking her daughter to an appointment. She saw me walk past the window of her pediatrician's office and ran out to talk to me. She said she had been thinking about me non stop and had a pit in her stomach. What??? Right after she said that she was called back to see the doctor with her daughter and told me they would call to let her know how my non-stress test had gone.

One of the major things they check during the non-stress test is how much amniotic fluid is surrounding the baby. They like the number to be anywhere between 8-22 (I have no idea the unit of measurement used) and get concerned with anything below 5. My levels were 16 on Tuesday and everything looked great. On Thursday, they had dropped drastically to a 3 which can be a sign that the placenta is giving out and the baby needs to be delivered. I was sent down stairs to talk to the dr covering for my ob who confirmed that I would definitely be having a C-section that afternoon if I still hadn't dilated at all. And of course, my body had still made zero progress so that was my only option.

They let me rush home and get my hospital bag and go talk to Rosie and Evie who were at Grandmas house and then come back to labor and delivery at noon to be monitored and get labs ran for a C-section scheduled at 2:30 pm. I know that being almost 42 weeks pregnant and the fact that I was preparing for the reality of another C-section on Saturday, that I should have been prepared for this outcome but I wasn't. I was a little frazzled getting everything together and as soon as I was at the hospital my mom and Ben came to meet me, followed shortly after by my little sister and my dad. I was happy everyone was there but with the rushing around I did that morning and then the crowd of  everyone talking and joking in the labor and delivery room, I really hadn't taken the time to process what was about to happen. Right before they took me back to the operating room to put in the epidural, I started crying. Then sitting on the operating table under the huge bright lights and then feeling everything below my chest go positively dead dumb, I started sobbing. I just kept hearing the nurse saying something about a "repeat C-section" and it started to become real to me that I wasn't getting what I had been hoping for and wanting so badly.  I was about to be cut open 6-7 inches from my belly button all the way down and would be dealing with that recovery. The epidural made my chest and rib cage so numb that it felt as if I wasn't able to take a deep breath and I started panicking and gasping for air which made everything much worse. Prepping me for the surgery and getting everything set up took forever and was a little traumatic.

When they finally let Ben and my family in (special treatment because my dad works at the hospital) I was so relieved to see them and have them standing at the bedside holding my hands and telling me it was going to be ok. A few minutes later, they were pulling out Gwena and everyone was gasping and cheering and saying how gorgeous and huge she was and that she looked just like my Rosie. My ob had predicted that even though I was so overdue that she didn't suspect she would be much more than 7 lbs and couldn't believe how big she was. She had a fabulous, strong cry and they brought her around to show me and then took her over to clean and weigh her. As soon as I saw her, I felt totally calm and so, so happy. Everything else just melted away and it didn't matter anymore. This beautiful little girl was here safe and sound and it was completely irrevelent how she was born. I had been so fixated on how I wanted the birth to go, I hadn't put as much thought into the fact that I was going to be bringing home a new member of our family. I loved snuggling that darling little head and holding her and being surrounded by my husband, dad, mom, and sister. The doctors worked for a quite a while sewing me up and it was a very sweet hour for me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When they brought me into recovery my older sister was there waiting and I loved that baby Gwena came with us. Rosie and Evie had been whisked off to the NICU after delivery and I didn't get to hold them for almost 8 hours. My mom left to go relieve my sister in-law Becca who was so nice to come watch the girls and then later she brought Rose and Eve to meet their baby sister for the first time. It was a little noisy and chaotic but they are so good with her and absolutely love being big sisters.

 

 

 

It has been very, very special to be able to bond with Gwena immediately. To have her in the hospital with me and bring her right home and get such a better start at nursing. It has been a very blissful week for us. I have had my moments and break downs when seeing my hideous incision uncovered for the first time and feeling overwhelmed by the idea of taking care of my older girls and keeping the house from exploding while I'm tied to the couch for hours a day feeding. But all in all, everything has gone so much better than I anticipated. I felt pretty lousy the first few days and very run down and it hurt to bend over or sit down or twist or stand or laugh or cry or cough...but now 11 days after delivery, I am still on medication but I'm feeling much better. Ben has been amazing and is such a support to me. Between him and my mom and mother in law, I have had to do very little besides nurse my sweet Gwena and try to rest up. I am so lucky to be surrounded by such wonderful family. When my girls have their babies I will be there to cook and clean and babysit and help and give them that sweet time to snuggle their new baby. I have had lots of precious, happy moments of peace and quiet with Gwena, listening to Christmas music together. I know they wouldn't be possible without all the help I'm getting.

Gwena is a just about the sweetest baby in the whole world. She is a good eater and a good sleeper and such a calm, snuggly baby. I'm not sure if it was because they had to be in the NICU for the first few weeks or because life was so crazy and we moved four days later to Colorado or if part of it was because they were my first babies, but it took me longer to feel truly connected to Rosie and Evie. I didn't really feel like I was their mom or that they were mine until things slowed down a bit and I was spending all day with them in our little apartment in Colorado. Plus having just one baby really is a dream. I don't think I realized just how hard taking care of two was until experiencing the last couple weeks with this little girl.  I am so grateful to have had a calmer and less complicated beginning with Gwen. I felt very much connected and in love with her since day 1.

Right now she is eating approximately at 10pm, 1am, 4am and 7am but about every other night she generously skips the 1am feeding and stretches it out to around 3am. Four hours of continuous sleep feels much better than 2 and as long as she does that every couple days, I think we will survive just fine. I hate dragging myself out of bed because my hormones are out of whack so I'm freezing cold and shivering like crazy. But once I'm bundled in a blanket with her in the rocking chair, those  middle of the night feedings are some of the best times of all. She is a total peach during the day and only fussy for a couple hours in the evening.

Little Gwenie, you are so very dear and we are thrilled you are here and apart of our family.