Bah Humbug

A little bit of what we have been up to: We had a wonderful Thanksgiving. We went and saw Frozen in the morning and then had a great dinner at my moms. The girls brought jello jigglers to a preschool Thanksgiving feast. We have been scrambling since to get ready for Christmas. We went down to Thanksgiving Point with Erin and Shannon and their families and took fun Santa pics and drove around and saw the lights. We had friends over for a holiday brunch. We've had some big storms and Rosie and Evie have been loving playing in all the snow. Ben built the girls a sledding hill in the backyard. He also built a gorgeous mantle in the living room for me to hang stockings from. We took the girls to the live Nativity at Liberty Park in the freezing cold and they loved it. We had Ben's Christmas work party and it was fun to meet all the crazy guys he is always telling me about. The garage door broke. A detective came to the house and told us they arrested a man who was carrying Gwena's social security card. Mail theft...bah humbug.

I keep meaning to sit down and blog but so much of my life is sitting and nursing right now that there isn't a lot of extra time for sitting and typing. Rosie and Evie are crazy about Gwena but they are starting to get frustrated with how often I have to put them off to go feed "baby sister". It's a big transition for them. I'm trying to make a valiant effort to be more patient with my two big girls and give them more focused attention. They have been making all kinds of mischief lately with their ample time and opportunity while I'm trying to get the baby fed or go pump so we can leave the house.  It is mostly innocent play and I know they are just bored but I've been pretty frustrated with them this week. I know I've been expecting too much from them and I'm trying to handle things better and find more structured things for them to do to keep them out of trouble.

I love this time of year but part of me kinda doesn't. I love the gift giving and the baking and the shopping and the parties and the Chritmas cards but it always seems to snowball out of control and become so overwhelming. Maybe I feel particularly overwhelmed because we are always on such a tight schedule with Gwena needing to be fed. Getting out the door with everyone seems a lot harder lately and I just haven't worked out all the kinks of our new life and schedule. Plus I haven't been feeling great. My stupid incision from my C-section got infected right before Thanksgiving and really slowed me down. I went to the doctor and got on antibiotics which pretty much cleared it up. But slowly it has started  hurting again, at first just a night but has now reopened and hurts all the time. It is so painful and I'm just fed up with this healing process. It's hard to be sick or not to feel 100% in any capacity this busy time of year but even worse when the pain comes from moving or lifting or reaching or squatting which are all a big part of a moms day with little kids. I know a lot of my frustration is that I feel like there is so much to do and I'm pushing my self too hard, too soon when I'm not all the way healed. I felt really good for about a week in between finishing up my first cycle of antibiotics and when the infection came back and it was wonderful...I'm so ready for that. I just want to feel like myself. I see my doctor again on Monday and hopefully we can get this resolved.

 I have been writing a post in my head the last few weeks about how I love being a mom and I love this special time of year. But this post isn't it. As per usual, this post is mostly complaining. I know I sound like a grouchy scrooge and I need to turn it around because I really do feel so lucky.

 I love reading Christmas books with my kids at night and seeing them peer up the chimney looking for Santa. It is so wonderful  to stay cozy inside snuggling a brand new baby and baking with two adorable eager toddlers. I have the best, most helpful and supportive husband in the entire world. I am so thankful for my family and I'm so happy to be in Utah and for the very happy and blessed life I have. I'm so excited to see and spend time with all the family coming in town this coming week. I just need to feel better and stop being so short with Rosie and Evie and spend more time focusing on the true meaning of Christmas and not all the fluff. That is my goal for the next 10 days. Get better. No more yelling. Focus on what matters.

Luckily, Gwena continues to be the best baby in the world. She is 5 1/2 weeks old and  I'm completely obsessed with her. She sleeps every night from 10ish to at least 3am and sometimes goes till 5:30am. She finally really woke up when she was about 3 weeks old and does a lot more crying but in general she is happy and so darling. I love having a new baby and am mesmerized by her amazing smiles and tiny kicking legs and perfect little coos. She certainly makes life a little crazier and a little louder but so, so much sweeter.