FOR-E-VER

Sitting on the couch listening to Christmas music while my two little butterballs sit in their bouncers talking up a storm, spitting up, and kicking their legs inside their sleeper sacks. Big smiles every time I turn to look at them. Two nights ago when they decided 1:30am was breakfast time I had a breakdown which took both Ben and I by surprise. Just the prospect of being a mother FOREVER is a little overwhelming. I know every stage passes so quickly but it's not just the stage-- I'll still be their mom when they are finally sleeping through the night consistently and feeding themselves. My mom is still making Sunday dinners for everyone, solving all my problems, killing herself putting Christmas together for her kids and she has been a mom for 30 years. When you become a mom it occupies an enormous part of your daily life and identity for the rest of your life. I love being a mom-- I really do despite all my posts that may make it seem otherwise-- but I'm still coming to grips with this forever change. The new me. There are no breaks, vacations, or weekends from motherhood. My mother in law was just in town making meals, cleaning, helping, reminding, counseling...just being a "mom" to her 26 year old son and family. Most days I love the idea that I will always be that central figure in Rosemary's and Evelyn's life but other days, it really scares me. Motherhood is forever and I think that is one of the most beautiful and most difficult things about it.

I swear these girls conspire together when planning our days. Just when I think I might head for the hills they work together to turn everything around. They slept 9:30pm-8am two nights in a row and now the world is a better place. Rosie has been an absolute doll the last week or so- really only crying to alert me that it is time to eat but never in between. Evie on the other hand, has switched places with the old Rosie (dragon baby) and is far fussier. She may be teething but who really knows. The nurse at my pediatricians office told me to go ahead and give Tylenol around the clock and when I said I didn't want to do that unless she was legitimately teething she said "well motherhood is really all guesswork- isn't it?" So we are still guessing...

We had a fun few days with Grandma in town. It is sure nice having an extra set of hands and eyes. I was able to get my haircut, errands run, and take Evie to the eye doctor stress free. I even had time to finish my book! (The Space Between Us-- very good) We went to the Christmas ward breakfast, house hunting, and into Denver to look at the lights and see Santa.

Oh and something else I forgot to mention last time that has been a major life changer: Ben and I joined a gym! It is right next door to our apartment building and super nice...albeit super expensive. But it is a temporary luxury that has been well worth it. They have a wonderful childcare center with a newborn room filled with baby swings and infant toys and darling girls who watch them for up to two hours a day! We go almost everyday after work for an hour and work out or play tennis and it is so fabulous. This is a big step toward being healthier and saner parents. Now I just need to clear out my fridge of all the sabotaging pumpkin pie, fudge, sugar cookies, and ice cream.