Lent

I have never had much control when it comes to food. I am always starting a new "diet" or eating plan which usually border on ridiculous or impossible. I lay in bed and convince myself that TOMORROW I will suddenly be able to go all day eating nothing but vegetables. It's funny how doable and even easy these wild ideas seem the night before and that I continue this pattern again and again and AGAIN. With a little baby weight still clinging to me for dear life, it has been on my mind even more. After talking to one of my friends who is participating in lent for religious reasons I decided this was perfect opportunity for another go. I am LDS and therefore have never observed lent and am not claiming to follow any official lent rules or guidelines. This is my own version of a little self denial and preparation for Easter. I started March 15. For 40 days I am not eating any junk food and I am vowing to read my scriptures every single day. No cheating, no passes, no missed days. I reserve the right to decide what is and what is not junk food. For instance my low calorie chocolate animal crackers are NOT junk food. The banana bread I made yesterday for a neighbor (and ate about half of the second loaf) is not junk food. Ok...it really is. I went nuts on the banana bread with the excuse that it is "bread" (loaded with sugar, butter and even chocolate chips) but I am recommitting today to start anew and hoping that this post will solidify my commitment. No more banana bread.

One of my dearest friends and roommates from college would frequently stop at the vending machines around campus and load her backpack up with pretzels, a few candy bars, and a bag of cookies. This absolutely blew me away. She would spread the treats out over a long period of time eating a bite here, a handful there, and be set. I could never ever do that because the backpack would be empty by the end of the day and I would be sick. My problem is that I have a very hard time saying no to ice cream or anything chocolate and that bothers me. I feel the need to eat all the junk food in the house TODAY so that it can't sabotage me tomorrow. My lack of will power and my self destructive relationship with food makes me feel weak. I need to learn some self control. I am happy to say that (except for the banana bread that I was not currently accepting as junk food), I have ice cream in two forms in the freezer, left over mini candy bars I brought to my relief society lesson, licorice in the cupboard, and a husband who LOVES going out for milkshakes and have not yet faltered. I haven't missed a night of scripture study either.

This is really just proving to myself that I can do it. That I can resist what's in the cupboard or the cookies being passed around at a friends house. I don't need to eat ice cream to have a great weekend or to reward myself or to celebrate. I love having a sweet topper after a good meal and always will. If I live the rest of my life at this pudgy weight-- that's ok. I just want to be healthy, conscious, and in control. I like the idea of practicing self denial along with a boost in spirituality. My scripture reading habits are all over the board but I know I'm happier, less stressed, more at peace, and a better wife, mother, and person when I'm making it a priority. Eight days and counting...taking away the sweets and adding something sweeter.


We FINALLY got our apartment all cleaned out and turned in the keys. Hooray! Had to say goodbye to our headboard and the darling cherry blossom decals I had behind the girls' cribs. :(