Surprised

August 5th was my girls' actual due date but they have already been here for six weeks. I can't believe it has been that long and that time has slipped away so fast. I also can't really remember what life was like before they came. They weighed 5 lbs and 5lbs 1oz at birth and now weigh 8lbs 2oz and 8lbs 3oz!

I don't handle change well...especially anticipating it. I always worry myself sick and convince myself that I'm not ready and won't be any good at what is ahead of me. I seriously have a problem. I cried my eyes out when my husband proposed to me and spent a majority of our engagement worrying and contemplating backing out. Not because of Ben, but because of me. And to my surprise, married life has been nothing short of bliss.

I worried throughout my pregnancy that I wasn't ready to be a mom. I read half a dozen twin books that only made me feel less prepared and worry even more. Some of these books and what they suggest are absolutely absurd!

And I quote from pg. 29 in one such ridiculous book: "If you plan on your first three months home with twins to be anything better than panicked hysteria (and it very well could be anyway) you will need around the clock help. If you are accustomed to living frugally, the rates you will need to pay good help will make you gasp. We are talking about professionals who are better at handling your babies than you are. You can expect to pay over $100 per day or over $200 a night for this service. Find a way. Ask your parents. Get a second mortgage. But however you do it, you must convince yourself and your spouse that this is not a luxury but an absolute necessity."
Reading stuff like this at eight months pregnant doesn't help quiet any fears. I really did enjoy being pregnant and I never wanted it to end partly because I was so terrified for these babies to come.

Being a new mom is really hard. Being a new mom is exhausting. But it is also pretty amazing. I spend about 10 hours every day feeding these babies because of a ridiculous routine I have going of breastfeeding, bottle feeding and then pumping every three hours. Being a new mom is overwhelming. We have had a some really rough nights, a handful of bad days, daily stressful screaming feedings, but all in all the hard times are mostly just singular moments...they resolve themselves usually in a matter or minutes and quiet back down into something wonderful. Six weeks in, I am surprised again. We are not just surviving taking care of twins on our own-- but truly thriving and loving it.