Pregnant

I have been hesitant to post anything about this because we've had a rocky start with lots of waiting and worrying. But I am 8 weeks pregnant and thrilled to be so. We had our second ultrasound yesterday and baby is growing right on track and had a heartbeat of 166.

6weeks 6 days: heart beat 123. Bottom right. Tiny arm buds :)

8weeks 5 days. Heartbeat 166. Tech says looks like a gummy bear.

Some details for my own record: We did our frozen IVF cycle the first week in February and I just knew it had worked. I said to my mom and Bea in the transfer room that it just felt right this time. But the dreadful two week wait brought a million doubts with it. I got the worst head cold of my life that week and just felt different. It was hard to determine what was caused by actual pregnancy hormones, the hormones I have to take, and what was just the bug I had caught. I was extremely moody, would wax and wane between being starving and having no appetite (especially at night), things tasted funky, lots of tension headaches in my temples, was queasy and dizzy, had lots of weird cramps, and a back ache.

I took a home pregnancy test at 8dpt and got a very, very faint line but then on 9dpt and 10dpt the line didn't get any darker and we were pretty positive we were out. I was sure it was a chemical  pregnancy and was ashamedly a little bugged that I had felt so positive and reassured every time I prayed about it. We went in for our first beta on 11dpt and it was 48. They want your hcg level to be at least 100 at this point. Definitely positive but definitely not strong. I was told it could be a late implanter and take off just fine or I could be losing it. More waiting. We went in again on 14dpt and it was 182, doubling every 36 hours.(The pregnancy is most likely not viable if the HCG doesn't double every 48-72 hours). On 18dpt it was 1246 and everything was looking pretty positive but we still had the big hurtle of seeing the heartbeat the following week.

Below are some of the shots I would take daily of my hpts to compare the lines. It's pretty brutal sitting there waiting and willing that line to get darker with all your heart. Obsessed much??? I know.


We went in at 6weeks and 6 days for our first ultrasound and made the mistake of bringing the girls. We thought it would be fun for them to see the baby on the screen. But it was total chaos and they were pretty terrible. They kept us waiting FOREVER because they were trying to get my records from the IVF clinic and poor Ben had to drag Rose and Eve out of the office screaming. Then of course I ended up with an extremely insensitive ultrasound tech that found a bleed in my uterus. It's called a subchorionic hemorrhage which can cause problems but is usually totally fine.  She gave a lot of great one liners like: "I'm having trouble finding much of anything in here." and "You're not bleeding yet? Well I'm sure you'll start any day now." and "Well, this could really go either way."

My OB was very reassuring and told me most likely everything would be fine but that she wanted to see me in a couple weeks to check on things. I left the appointment in tears even though we technically did get good news. Ever since then I haven't been able to get everything the tech said out of my head. More worrying.

But I went in yesterday and everything looked great. The bleed is looking better and is starting to absorb. I thankfully had a much nicer tech at this appointment. It has been a long time of feeling like we are in limbo and not sure if we should be excited or worried or if telling people is appropriate. It's hard to keep things a secret when you do IVF however... too many people know you're going through it because it is such an involved process. I have had lots of questions but haven't felt like talking about it much.

I got a hold of a babysitter while I was waiting to see the doctor and Ben and I went out last night to finally celebrate. I needed that.

Even though I am trying to be optimistic, we are of course still very early and not completely out of the woods.

I must say, the whole baby part definitely doesn't feel real yet but the sickness part definitely does. It has been so much worse this time around than it was with the girls (unless my memory is really THAT bad). I'm positively exhausted which is the main reason I never get around to blogging anymore and soooooo NAUSEOUS. I know I'm lucky. I don't throw up and know many women have it far, far worse. But it does get old constantly having the barf lump in your throat and feeling like your limbs are full of cement. Not to mention what seems like a permanent case of the uglies. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHH. But I am grateful.

I am so grateful it worked this time. I still can't believe it.
I am so grateful that even with all the ups and downs, we are still pregnant. 
I am so grateful for the peace I feel when I pray even when I'm filled with doubt.
I am so grateful  to be pregnant with ONE baby.
I am so grateful for a supportive husband that basically does it all when he gets home from work.
I am so grateful  for family and friends listening to me moan and groan.
I am so grateful for this baby and for my two perfect girls that remind me that it's worth it.