Wake Up

Monday morning started off slow. The start of another long week. Evie was in a bad mood and was doing a lot of crying and whining for no apparent reason. I just couldn't get my act together and sat down when breakfast was done to read reviews on amazon for some Christmas presents I have my eye on. The Today show was on in the background. Rosie and Evie were playing with their toy farm on the floor at my feet and were having squabble after squabble over the plastic chicken. I broke the fight up a couple times but then went into my tune out mode where I pretend that I'm not there (not effective...but a survival mechanism).

 The chicken fight escalated and Evie ran to me in sobs. I was in the middle of reading something (and in my tune out mode)so at first I didn't even look up. That sounds so cruel (and I guess it is) but when every other second of my life involves someone bursting into tears, sometimes I don't jump as quickly as I should. After a moment I reached for her and pulled her up next to me and offered some comfort and asked her what happened while rubbing her back. My eyes were still on the computer screen however. Evie knows when she isn't getting your undivided attention and that's just not going to fly. She literally slapped me across the face and slammed the lap top closed on my hands and screamed "Go Away Mommy!!".  Evie is a little confused on the meaning of that phrase and uses it when she wants something- another song before bed time, another cracker in the car, or just some undivided attention. It means: "Hello!!!??? I'm here! Don't ignore me!".

My first reaction was to scold her and haul her off to time out for hitting me in the face. But this time I didn't. She was wrong to do that but absolutely right in wanting my attention and for me to do my job. Just to love her and be there for her and protect her from the wiles and whims of her sister.  WAKE UP.

That same afternoon we went on a long walk to have lunch at the park and enjoy the beautiful sunny 65 degree weather. When we got home I was on the phone with Ben for a few minutes. Once off I turned to see Rosie galloping into the room in nothing but her shirt screaming that she wanted some candy. I said no to the candy and asked her where her clothes were. She dragged me into the bathroom to show me she had used her mini potty ALL BY HERSELF with no prompting from me and managed to get her coat, shoes, socks, pants, and diaper off in the matter of seconds. She will do just about anything if she knows candy may be a reward. Ben has been telling me to potty train for the last few months. I keep putting it off and saying the girls aren't ready. Uh....wake up. I think it's just me who's not ready.

Yesterday I was at the gym doing a oh-so-hard-as-of-late 3 mile run. I got off the treadmill and went to refill my water bottle and saw a mom by the play area crouched down talking to her darling little girl. The girl had a big smile on her face and I got pang of jealousy and then sadness. I want another baby! I want more moments like that. One beat later I realized how ridiculous that jealousy and sadness was. I have TWO beautiful, amazing little girls who were right down the hall in the childcare waiting for me to come get them. WAKE UP and appreciate what you have now because it is sooooo good. Dwelling on this baby hunger is only making me miss moments with my babies...the ones who are here and still need me and provide a endless supply of sweet moments. I just to need to be awake.

Here's to being better about that. 

I received so many nice text messages, blog comments, calls, and emails in regards to our failed IVF attempt. In truth, I'm doing just fine but I really appreciate all the concern. I'm lucky to have such good friends and family. I'm excited for February but really enjoying being drug free and focusing on other things.
My acupuncturist recommended some supplements to take and to go gluten free the next couple months which she thinks should help our success rates. I'll try anything and I like feeling like I'm doing something proactive.

What else have we been up to...We had the perfect morning last Saturday, taking turns in the temple and then going to IKEA for lunch and browsing. We also made and painted some salt dough ornaments to counteract the quickly disappearing ornaments from our tree that have either been smuggled away somewhere or broken. 

We also have loved having this sweet puppy around. Eve and Rose  love walking him around the house on his leash and singing him to sleep. He's quite darling but I'm glad he goes home and these two stay. 

  

 We have been enjoying night walks to look at the lights and reading books by the Christmas tree. I love this time of year. I sat down to blog while I took the unnecessary step of toasting a tray of almonds to make my moms famous almond roca (gluten free, mind you) but totally spaced setting the timer and just charred them all to a crisp. errrrgh. wake up.