Deep Breath

We've been hanging out a lot at the pumpkin patch near our home. The girls are crazy for the bouncy houses and farm animals and it guarantees an excellent afternoon nap. An afternoon nap that I swear I spend most of on the phone dealing with fertility issues. My doctor, Ben's doctor, the lab, the IVF clinic, the insurance company. I have a lot of anxiety over the whole process (all the appointments and tests, the shots, the $,  inconveniencing people, feeling crumby, crazy, and gaining weight, and of course whether or not we are successful) but forgot how much hassle is involved in just being on the phone and getting everything set up and worked out. I'm trying not to over stress or over think. I lay awake in the middle of the night getting worked up over everything. The hopeful outcome is so exciting and so worth it but the journey there is extremely emotional, stressful, and draining in every way. Some days I feel so burnt out on these gorgeous, hilarious, maniac girls that I don't know why we are even getting back on this roller coaster. But ultimately it's what I want more than anything.

 I've been on birth control pills for the last couple weeks and they have made me feel nuts enough but now the real crazies are on their way. Preemptive apologies to Ben. This box of torture showed up on our doorstop yesterday and now it FINALLY feels real. I've been thinking of, worrying about, planning for, and putting this off for months and months but now it's here. Injections start Monday. Here goes nothing...