Cures for the crazies

I am most definitely a warm weather person. I have always said how much I love having all four seasons but the older I get...I'm not so sure. I do LOVE fall. But winter is pretty lame. I love a quiet, peaceful snowfall and I love buying new mittens or boots but besides that I don't find much else redeemable. I'm usually a fairly upbeat/happy person (or so I think) but winter just gets me down. Every major depression in my life has occurred in the winter months. Can you even imagine falling into a depression in May? I certainly can't. So Ben and I have been brainstorming places to move that are not too hot but skip the 4 months of cold, snowy, icky, trapped, everyone sick, garbage.

I've been struggling the past little while. My girls are ever so sweet and fun but at a very difficult age for me. They fight like crazy. They don't talk. Lately I find myself resenting a little bit that there are two of them (which is an awful thing to say). But it's hard. And Dr. B told us to stay away from other kids for about a month to avoid getting sick again which is pretty much a prison sentence. This is what I look like in my hole. Scary.I am pulling myself out and striving to be happy and here is what is working:

1. SUNSHINE
Luckily, this week is supposed to be positively gorgeous with temperatures in the low 70s. We had an amazing weekend of playing in the sunshine. We had the weekend we have needed for about a month. We went on some great walks, fed the ducks at the park, took a long bike ride, and walked, shopped, and played on Pearl Street.

2. Exercise
I'm exercising more consistently than I ever have in my life. It feels good.

3. Time Off
Ben came home last Thursday after I had just spent about an hour sobbing in discouragement on the phone to my mom and Rosie and Evie were refusing to take their nap. I didn't even tell him what was so wrong-- he just said to take the night off. And it was AMAZING. I was already planning on meeting up with some old friends for dinner after my girls were in bed but to have an extra couple hours to just go off on my own was truly incredible. I drove into Boulder and went to Barnes and Noble and ate a giant chocolate chip cookie and sat in one of those big comfy chairs and read and listened to an old man play the cello. Then I met up with the girls and stayed out late laughing and talking and just being me. I need that time.

This article has been posted on Facebook constantly the last couple months and I read it almost every time I see it re-posted. I love it. The double failure of feeling like a you're not doing a good enough job as a mother, plus not enjoying every waking second can be absolutely overwhelming. I often feel that anxiety of needing to appreciate this time in my life more. I wish I was the kind of person that was always happy. I wish I didn't fall into these ruts and then even worse--decide to blog about it. Even though I am ashamed of these feelings, I do want to remember them. I know my perfect girls are an amazing gift. I may not LOVE being a mom every second but I do LOVE it every day. I have so much to be grateful for and VERY little to complain about and I know it. But life is hard (as it is wonderful). Being a mom is hard (as it is wonderful). And this is the truth.