Ready or not

My little pumpkin is due in TWO DAYS and I can't believe we are already here. We are moved into our new house for the most part. I keep thinking I'm going to get a rush of motivation (nesting??) and unpack the last of the boxes or make an effort to decorate the nursery really cute but it hasn't happened yet. For now it is what it is and we are just happy to have gotten this far. We have been enjoying the gorgeous Utah fall. October is spectacular. Ben and I got a night away up at the Alaskan Inn for our 6th anniversary which was wonderful while the girls had a fun sleepover with Grandma and Grandpa. My sister convinced us to get Cornbellys season passes and they have been well worth the money and tons of fun. We had a girls night out at Gardners Village, went to the zoo, and have been outside a lot enjoying the lovely crisp sunny weather and leaves. I am trying to soak up the precious few days I have left with just my Eve and Rose before their sister comes. 

 My sisters and mom threw me an amazing Motherhood Ceremony in place of a shower and it couldn't have been more perfect. I was nervous everyone might think it was a little over the top or wacky but people just went a long with it and we had a great time. We made flower head wreaths and drank raspberry tea. We sat on the floor in a circle and Alex officiated in some beautiful poetry and a chord bracelet ceremony. We made birth affirmation flags to hang in the delivery room and Erin scrubbed my feet with oatmeal and massaged them with essential oils. We feasted on butternut squash soup and apple crisp and then everyone took turns decorating my enormous stretched belly with henna. I was spoiled with wonderful, thoughtful gifts to help prepare me for labor and for extra energy and comfort upon returning home. It was very different and a little nutty but mostly just magical. I laid awake half the night when it was over and kept reliving the whole thing. I haven't felt so special or loved or supported since my wedding day. A million thanks to my sisters, mom, and friends for giving me such a gift.

 

 

 

 

My focus has shifted over the last couple weeks from being in limbo in my parents basement and completely swallowed up in birth reading material to moving into our house and getting things unpacked and settled. Not being so engrossed in it has had an impact on my motivation to go al naturale. Every time I get a more painful contraction or cramp I get pretty scared thinking about real labor and how the pain will go on for HOURS and get A WHOLE LOT worse. Reality check. It is a lot easier to think and talk about it as a future event but the fact that it could be happening anytime now (in fact, I NEED it to happen pretty darn quick) has me a little spooked. I'm dedicating myself to get back into my books and breathing exercises and think more positively. My OB says she will let me go till 41 weeks before scheduling a C-section. I'm surprisingly happy and comfortable just staying pregnant but time is running short.  I don't want to heal from another c-section or watch that poor scar grow and stretch across my abdomen again in the following months. I've done it several times and it's painful and emotional and frustrating.

But what will be, will be. For now, I am going on power walks, bouncing on my birth ball, doing squats and jogging my stairs, drinking raspberry leaf tea, eating pineapple and dates, and taking evening primrose oil.  I had a labor inducing massage yesterday that didn't seem to do much and a sweet girl in my ward is doing some reflexology on my feet tomorrow to try to bring on labor. I pulled a muscle the other night dangling from a tree branch because my labor-coach-sister said it would help...

Okay Baby Girl, it's go time.

 

 

New Normal

October, October. Best time of year. I can't believe almost a whole month has gone by and I haven't even thought to blog. I need to find a new routine but our lives are about to get turned upside down all over again so it may be a while before I settle into better habits of blogging....cleaning...making dinner... exercising... and just about everything. I've just let myself relax into this routine of limbo.

We are still at my parents house but that is about to come to a close because we move into our new house sometime this weekend or the beginning of next week. It'll be wonderful to start hopefully getting settled and organized in our own space before this little baby comes. I'm not looking forward to the work involved and we will be sad to leave the comforts of grandmas house. They've been so good to us.

We bought a house in Sandy, right below Little Cottonwood Canyon. We are getting used to the idea of living back in Utah but I'm still constantly taken aback by the gorgeous mountains. I love them and hope I never get over it and start taking them for granted. All I want to do is drive up and enjoy them. We've had some fun family weenie roasts up Millcreek canyon, gone walking up at Brighton and through Memory Grove, gone to breakfast with good friends up Emigration, and gone on an adventure up in Park City. I've been trying to get a camping trip organized ever since we got here but rain, trips to Colorado, and other conflicts keep foiling my plans and now it's probably too cold. Bummer.The proximity and views of the mountains are the biggest thing that drew us to this new house and area. You just can't beat 'em.

Evelyn and Rosemary are loving preschool and so am I. Besides that very first day, I have yet to use the time for napping but it sure is fabulous to have a time for appointments and errands. They love their teachers and I will be sad to have to transfer them somewhere closer to us after we get moved and settled.
Ben is also still loving his job and it seems to be a great fit for him. We feel very blessed that so much has fallen into place. I can't believe that 2 months ago we were barely making this decision to move and all that has happened since. It is finally hitting me that we aren't going back to Colorado and I know it will be even more apparent when we are no longer leaching off my parents and in our own place. I keep getting caught off guard by little moments of missing my friends and my routine and my life back there. It was a good one and I know it is going to take some time to fully establish a new normal here. We moved just in time before the massive rain and flooding in Colorado. Luckily we only suffered from minor flooding in the basement and poor Ben having to turn around and drive back to Salt Lake 3 hours into the trip due to closed, flooded freeways. Pretty nuts.

Lately I've been obsessed with reading and learning everything I can about childbirth. I have always thought it would be awesome to deliver naturally but have had it in my head that it would never be an option. My mom and older sister delivered all their babies by C-section and that's how my girls came into this world as well. Plus my dad is an anesthesiologist at the hospital I will deliver at so the idea of natural birth has always felt like something awesome that OTHER people do.

It's one of those things I've been afraid to say out loud because of what other people might think, because I might end up wussing out and not being able to do it, and mostly because I may end up with preeclampsia again or fail to progress on my own and then I'll have set myself up for disappointment.  But why not me? I've decided to just dive in and try for what I really want even though it may not be in the cards. I don't want to be one of those people that are so engrossed in their birth plan and come away all distraught and bitter that it didn't go the way they had hoped. But I also want to be the kind of person that is brave enough to say and try for what they want...in all things. This birth is a small example but I think I've always been a little cowardly in that way.

I just want to prepare for what could hopefully be an option. I'm on my fourth book about natural childbirth and even though they generally say similar things, I am loving reading and learning about it. Even if I end up in a C-section again, I will be happy I spent the time digging into this material and contemplating and appreciating this pregnancy more. I have my doctor and my Ben behind me and I've also been interviewing doulas to help assist at the birth. We made this decision late in the game and our lives are kind of nuts right now so we don't have time to take a class. I think an extra person to help encourage and coach both of us through the process will be helpful.

Today I'm 36 weeks and 3 days pregnant and never been this far along before. It has me thinking this baby is going to come any day now but the reality is she will probably stay snug as a bug inside for another month. I'm so ready to be done with pregnancy and the discomforts but I also don't want to let it go. I'm nervous for life with a newborn and my two crazy girls. I also remember really missing being pregnant when it ended last time. It was most likely because Rose and Eve spent the first 3 weeks in the NICU, Ben was off working in Colorado, and I was a mess of hormones but I remember feeling really lonely those first few weeks and wishing I was still carrying them with me everywhere I went. Pregnancy can be hard but I love having my baby so close to me and so easy to take care of.

I'm trying to remember that during my long nights of insomnia due to the 4 million necessary trips to the bathroom and the crazy BH contractions that keep me tossing and turning. All too soon I'll be up for other reasons.

 

34 weeks

36 weeks