I'm trying to start this week off right and have a good attitude and be positive. I have let myself slip into somewhat of a funk the last couple weeks and enough is enough.
It started with homesickness. The first six weeks we were here are a blur. I feel like I was so busy just trying to stay afloat being a new mom I hardly even realized that I was away from home. I think I was just handling one major adjustment and transition at a time. Number 1: motherhood. Now that things have settled down into more of a routine, I am beginning to process Number 2:moving. For me, this has been the harder of the two. I miss being around my family and friends that actually KNOW me. I miss relationships based on more then just the fact that we are both moms or both desperately looking for friendship. Even worse, I hate that I have these two amazing little girls who are growing and changing every day and no one nearby to share it with. It breaks my heart.
Then right in the thick of my pity party, my little sister goes through something huge and hard and it kills me to be so far from home.
THEN Rosemary decided to stop sleeping at night. Instead of doing her lovely 6 hour stretches...she cuts back to sleeping for a couple hours at a time and then crying for a couple hours more. Not hungry, not sick. Just crying. Miserable.
AND of course I pick right now to really start caring about my weight again. I gained 38 lbs while pregnant and dropped 30 almost immediately but now the rest seems to be permanent and I think I started even GAINING again. BOO.
But I guess the whole point of my writing today was to declare that enough is enough and I am pulling myself out of my funk...rather than just writing myself deeper into it. I realize how much my attitude dictates the rest of my families happiness. I remember my mom having that power growing up and that she still has it today. It's easy to forget that now I'm an adult and I'M THE MOM and have to carry that responsibility. I have the power to be happy and positive and to create a happy, positive home or to be grouchy and short and depressed and to drag everyone else down with me. I'm allowed to have a bad day or even a bad week or month...but I know I can do better than what I have been doing lately. I know I have so much to be grateful for and things really aren't THAT bad. I'm heading out to SLC October 22 which is only a few weeks away and get to be there for nine whole days! I really love where we are at. It is beautiful and I have met a lot of great people. I stay busy and am doing much more socially then I ever anticipated I would be this early on. I am part of a wonderful twins group and have found some great friends through it and from our ward. It certainly isn't the same yet, but how could it be? I know this transition will get easier with time (or we'll move back :)).
My sister is doing remarkably well and I know I can support and love her even from Colorado.
Rosie slept until 4:15 Sunday night and 4:45 last night so that was a wonderful relief.
AND I have a new diet where I am forcing myself to eat 10 baby carrots before I can eat anything between meals which is obviously a fail proof plan and I'll be fit as a fiddle in no time.:)
So...things are looking up.
No more grouchy, weepy, me. Promise.
