Gwena Florence Meakin
8 lb 12 oz, 21 inches
That Thursday morning, I went in for another NST and ran into my ob who actually had the week off but was in the building taking her daughter to an appointment. She saw me walk past the window of her pediatrician's office and ran out to talk to me. She said she had been thinking about me non stop and had a pit in her stomach. What??? Right after she said that she was called back to see the doctor with her daughter and told me they would call to let her know how my non-stress test had gone.
One of the major things they check during the non-stress test is how much amniotic fluid is surrounding the baby. They like the number to be anywhere between 8-22 (I have no idea the unit of measurement used) and get concerned with anything below 5. My levels were 16 on Tuesday and everything looked great. On Thursday, they had dropped drastically to a 3 which can be a sign that the placenta is giving out and the baby needs to be delivered. I was sent down stairs to talk to the dr covering for my ob who confirmed that I would definitely be having a C-section that afternoon if I still hadn't dilated at all. And of course, my body had still made zero progress so that was my only option.
They let me rush home and get my hospital bag and go talk to Rosie and Evie who were at Grandmas house and then come back to labor and delivery at noon to be monitored and get labs ran for a C-section scheduled at 2:30 pm. I know that being almost 42 weeks pregnant and the fact that I was preparing for the reality of another C-section on Saturday, that I should have been prepared for this outcome but I wasn't. I was a little frazzled getting everything together and as soon as I was at the hospital my mom and Ben came to meet me, followed shortly after by my little sister and my dad. I was happy everyone was there but with the rushing around I did that morning and then the crowd of everyone talking and joking in the labor and delivery room, I really hadn't taken the time to process what was about to happen. Right before they took me back to the operating room to put in the epidural, I started crying. Then sitting on the operating table under the huge bright lights and then feeling everything below my chest go positively dead dumb, I started sobbing. I just kept hearing the nurse saying something about a "repeat C-section" and it started to become real to me that I wasn't getting what I had been hoping for and wanting so badly. I was about to be cut open 6-7 inches from my belly button all the way down and would be dealing with that recovery. The epidural made my chest and rib cage so numb that it felt as if I wasn't able to take a deep breath and I started panicking and gasping for air which made everything much worse. Prepping me for the surgery and getting everything set up took forever and was a little traumatic.
When they finally let Ben and my family in (special treatment because my dad works at the hospital) I was so relieved to see them and have them standing at the bedside holding my hands and telling me it was going to be ok. A few minutes later, they were pulling out Gwena and everyone was gasping and cheering and saying how gorgeous and huge she was and that she looked just like my Rosie. My ob had predicted that even though I was so overdue that she didn't suspect she would be much more than 7 lbs and couldn't believe how big she was. She had a fabulous, strong cry and they brought her around to show me and then took her over to clean and weigh her. As soon as I saw her, I felt totally calm and so, so happy. Everything else just melted away and it didn't matter anymore. This beautiful little girl was here safe and sound and it was completely irrevelent how she was born. I had been so fixated on how I wanted the birth to go, I hadn't put as much thought into the fact that I was going to be bringing home a new member of our family. I loved snuggling that darling little head and holding her and being surrounded by my husband, dad, mom, and sister. The doctors worked for a quite a while sewing me up and it was a very sweet hour for me.
When they brought me into recovery my older sister was there waiting and I loved that baby Gwena came with us. Rosie and Evie had been whisked off to the NICU after delivery and I didn't get to hold them for almost 8 hours. My mom left to go relieve my sister in-law Becca who was so nice to come watch the girls and then later she brought Rose and Eve to meet their baby sister for the first time. It was a little noisy and chaotic but they are so good with her and absolutely love being big sisters.
It has been very, very special to be able to bond with Gwena immediately. To have her in the hospital with me and bring her right home and get such a better start at nursing. It has been a very blissful week for us. I have had my moments and break downs when seeing my hideous incision uncovered for the first time and feeling overwhelmed by the idea of taking care of my older girls and keeping the house from exploding while I'm tied to the couch for hours a day feeding. But all in all, everything has gone so much better than I anticipated. I felt pretty lousy the first few days and very run down and it hurt to bend over or sit down or twist or stand or laugh or cry or cough...but now 11 days after delivery, I am still on medication but I'm feeling much better. Ben has been amazing and is such a support to me. Between him and my mom and mother in law, I have had to do very little besides nurse my sweet Gwena and try to rest up. I am so lucky to be surrounded by such wonderful family. When my girls have their babies I will be there to cook and clean and babysit and help and give them that sweet time to snuggle their new baby. I have had lots of precious, happy moments of peace and quiet with Gwena, listening to Christmas music together. I know they wouldn't be possible without all the help I'm getting.
Gwena is a just about the sweetest baby in the whole world. She is a good eater and a good sleeper and such a calm, snuggly baby. I'm not sure if it was because they had to be in the NICU for the first few weeks or because life was so crazy and we moved four days later to Colorado or if part of it was because they were my first babies, but it took me longer to feel truly connected to Rosie and Evie. I didn't really feel like I was their mom or that they were mine until things slowed down a bit and I was spending all day with them in our little apartment in Colorado. Plus having just one baby really is a dream. I don't think I realized just how hard taking care of two was until experiencing the last couple weeks with this little girl. I am so grateful to have had a calmer and less complicated beginning with Gwen. I felt very much connected and in love with her since day 1.
Right now she is eating approximately at 10pm, 1am, 4am and 7am but about every other night she generously skips the 1am feeding and stretches it out to around 3am. Four hours of continuous sleep feels much better than 2 and as long as she does that every couple days, I think we will survive just fine. I hate dragging myself out of bed because my hormones are out of whack so I'm freezing cold and shivering like crazy. But once I'm bundled in a blanket with her in the rocking chair, those middle of the night feedings are some of the best times of all. She is a total peach during the day and only fussy for a couple hours in the evening.
Little Gwenie, you are so very dear and we are thrilled you are here and apart of our family.
