Pregnant

I have been hesitant to post anything about this because we've had a rocky start with lots of waiting and worrying. But I am 8 weeks pregnant and thrilled to be so. We had our second ultrasound yesterday and baby is growing right on track and had a heartbeat of 166.

6weeks 6 days: heart beat 123. Bottom right. Tiny arm buds :)

8weeks 5 days. Heartbeat 166. Tech says looks like a gummy bear.

Some details for my own record: We did our frozen IVF cycle the first week in February and I just knew it had worked. I said to my mom and Bea in the transfer room that it just felt right this time. But the dreadful two week wait brought a million doubts with it. I got the worst head cold of my life that week and just felt different. It was hard to determine what was caused by actual pregnancy hormones, the hormones I have to take, and what was just the bug I had caught. I was extremely moody, would wax and wane between being starving and having no appetite (especially at night), things tasted funky, lots of tension headaches in my temples, was queasy and dizzy, had lots of weird cramps, and a back ache.

I took a home pregnancy test at 8dpt and got a very, very faint line but then on 9dpt and 10dpt the line didn't get any darker and we were pretty positive we were out. I was sure it was a chemical  pregnancy and was ashamedly a little bugged that I had felt so positive and reassured every time I prayed about it. We went in for our first beta on 11dpt and it was 48. They want your hcg level to be at least 100 at this point. Definitely positive but definitely not strong. I was told it could be a late implanter and take off just fine or I could be losing it. More waiting. We went in again on 14dpt and it was 182, doubling every 36 hours.(The pregnancy is most likely not viable if the HCG doesn't double every 48-72 hours). On 18dpt it was 1246 and everything was looking pretty positive but we still had the big hurtle of seeing the heartbeat the following week.

Below are some of the shots I would take daily of my hpts to compare the lines. It's pretty brutal sitting there waiting and willing that line to get darker with all your heart. Obsessed much??? I know.


We went in at 6weeks and 6 days for our first ultrasound and made the mistake of bringing the girls. We thought it would be fun for them to see the baby on the screen. But it was total chaos and they were pretty terrible. They kept us waiting FOREVER because they were trying to get my records from the IVF clinic and poor Ben had to drag Rose and Eve out of the office screaming. Then of course I ended up with an extremely insensitive ultrasound tech that found a bleed in my uterus. It's called a subchorionic hemorrhage which can cause problems but is usually totally fine.  She gave a lot of great one liners like: "I'm having trouble finding much of anything in here." and "You're not bleeding yet? Well I'm sure you'll start any day now." and "Well, this could really go either way."

My OB was very reassuring and told me most likely everything would be fine but that she wanted to see me in a couple weeks to check on things. I left the appointment in tears even though we technically did get good news. Ever since then I haven't been able to get everything the tech said out of my head. More worrying.

But I went in yesterday and everything looked great. The bleed is looking better and is starting to absorb. I thankfully had a much nicer tech at this appointment. It has been a long time of feeling like we are in limbo and not sure if we should be excited or worried or if telling people is appropriate. It's hard to keep things a secret when you do IVF however... too many people know you're going through it because it is such an involved process. I have had lots of questions but haven't felt like talking about it much.

I got a hold of a babysitter while I was waiting to see the doctor and Ben and I went out last night to finally celebrate. I needed that.

Even though I am trying to be optimistic, we are of course still very early and not completely out of the woods.

I must say, the whole baby part definitely doesn't feel real yet but the sickness part definitely does. It has been so much worse this time around than it was with the girls (unless my memory is really THAT bad). I'm positively exhausted which is the main reason I never get around to blogging anymore and soooooo NAUSEOUS. I know I'm lucky. I don't throw up and know many women have it far, far worse. But it does get old constantly having the barf lump in your throat and feeling like your limbs are full of cement. Not to mention what seems like a permanent case of the uglies. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHH. But I am grateful.

I am so grateful it worked this time. I still can't believe it.
I am so grateful that even with all the ups and downs, we are still pregnant. 
I am so grateful for the peace I feel when I pray even when I'm filled with doubt.
I am so grateful  to be pregnant with ONE baby.
I am so grateful for a supportive husband that basically does it all when he gets home from work.
I am so grateful  for family and friends listening to me moan and groan.
I am so grateful for this baby and for my two perfect girls that remind me that it's worth it.

A long time coming...

Eeek. I haven't blogged in over a month. The last post I wrote was in January so I've had quite the long break. I'm ready to jump back into it but this post is going to be mostly pictures. Starting out slow. A picture is worth a thousand words- right?

 March is here. February is over. Hallelujah! A wonderful time for new beginnings and new life. I'm so excited for my friend Liz to come visit, to attend Tami's wedding, and to celebrate Easter and Conference with my family. Spring!!!!!  I had some anxiety as February approached because last year was so rough but this year it passed quite pleasantly. We had lots of warm, sunny days and some big snow storms that we really enjoyed. 

A few notes on my two beauties.

It's been a crazy few months with Rose. I'm seriously obsessed with her and love just being in her company. She is talking so much more and says such cute, hilarious things but sometimes I think she is going to drive me over the edge. We saw a movie with the girls a couple months ago, Wreck-it Ralph and I haven't said it out loud but she reminds me of the main character. Wreck-it Rose. She is so very destructive. Sometimes I think it is all just a series of accidents caused by curiosity but other times she seems seriously sneaky and mischievous. Her bent on breaking things started a couple months ago when she stood up on my moms kitchen counter and shattered a very sturdy hanging light with her head. She didn't even bat an eyelash. Recently she has been the leader of some serious marker issues in our house, she moved a chair over to the counter to get a candy heart and broke the lid of my favorite candy dish, she dumped my powdered bronzer out onto the carpet, squeezed out all my facial cleanser into the bathtub, and threw my Clarisonic face scrubber over the balcony and busted it. I promise I watch her and my house is pretty toddler proof...she is just faster and more clever and crazier than I ever expect.

 

I'm certainly not suggesting Evie is completely innocent but she is just so much more content to play quietly by herself and not destroy things. This is a picture of her at Olive Garden making two noodles talk to each other. :)

I have been concerned for a long time about my girls and their language development. I finally had a specialist from the Child Find program out for a home visit and she put a lot of my worries to rest. Evie has suddenly started making a lot longer and clearer sentences and is singing songs like the Alphabet and Twinkle and Twinkle. These aren't very impressive milestones for a 2 1/2 year old I realize but they are progress for us and it makes me happy. Evie has had trouble sleeping lately and often demands to sleep in our room at night in a packnplay by our bed. She is soooooo stubborn.  She keeps talking about a scary witch-- which breaks my heart and confuses me where she even got that idea in her head. Ben noticed  a pattern that Sunday and Monday nights are always the worst of the week and that it probably relates to the fact that we have started a tradition of Family Movie Night (parents lazy night) every Sunday. It has been really fun to check out great Disney/Pixar movies at the library and snuggle up altogether and eat popcorn. The girls LOVE it but I'm thinking we are going to have to do away with it for awhile. We aren't watching scary movies in the slightest but I was reading online how toddlers often have nightmares from watching shows that are too action packed or suspenseful before bed time. Evie has always been very much engrossed with what is on the tube so I wouldn't be surprised if they are related.

 Potty Training. OOOOOOOOOooooooooof. It is seriously the worst. I mean if you are actually doing it.... which we aren't. We had some circumstances where we had to put it on hold and that is where we are right now. Evie is suddenly a lot more interested so both little ladies use the potty a lot...but the lack of commitment on my part if what is holding us back. There is a plan in place but keeping the execution in the future is such a lovely relief. We'll get there. 

A million pictures just because: