As far as the baby business goes, I think I have finally laid to rest the idea of having any more of my own kids. I met with the doctor and he was all for doing the surgery but even with his extensive experience he said he had never done it before and only knew of one other similar case...where the woman did not go on to get pregnant. SO....that wasn't very encouraging. Plus I've been praying about it like crazy and I just feel so unsettled. I don't want that to be the answer but I think it is.
It has been a really interesting few months for me and while it has been disappointing and confusing and a little sad- it has also been amazing. I have felt so close to my Heavenly Father as I've really tried to find an answer to my prayers. I have learned a lot about personal revelation and am trying to trust it and have enough faith to stick with the answers and impressions I've felt.
We are looking into adoption. It is unbelievably expensive and that's scary for me. I have major anxiety about money but I do feel good about it. Ben and I went to the temple a couple weeks ago and had a very cool experience that felt like an answer. I'm not sure if it was an answer telling us to do it...or to explore it...or if we decide we really want another person in our family than this is the avenue. It's scary to trust an answer that was never part of your plan for yourself and is expensive and overwhelming and a process where so much feels out of your control. It certainly feels easier to move on and enjoy my sweet, happy family just the way it is. It's a huge decision and the last couple months have rocked my personal world and my "plan" so I've kind of put it on the back burner for now. We'll see.
In order to fill this void and in attempt to "reinvent" myself with some new hobbies and distractions, we bought a camper. A good friend of mine and I took the kids camping up at Crystal Hot Springs and squished in her camper and that kind of got me thinking it would be a fun thing for our family and get us out there more. We took it out for the first time last weekend to Moab and went hiking in Arches National Park with Erin and some friends. It was gorgeous and we loved it. The camper was awesome and although it was a hasty purchase, I think it was a good one.
Also to fill my void, I've gotten back into running. Ben and I ran the SLC half marathon with his dad and my sister in April and it was such a fantastic race. We had such a great visit with Bob and Vickie and talking to Bob so much about running sparked my interest in pushing myself to do a longer race. I'm not signed up yet but I've been getting a lot of miles in (15 mile run last Saturday!) and plan on doing either the Huntsville or Big Cottonwood Marathon in September. I've also started running outside which I've never really done much of or enjoyed. We have had such a lovely, rainy, cool May and my early morning runs outside with all the flowers blooming and gray clouds swirling have been pretty spectacular and good for my soul. Not looking forward to the blazing hot runs of summer.
Temperatures in the 90s this weekend...it's here.
