Looking Up

I'm trying to start this week off right and have a good attitude and be positive. I have let myself slip into somewhat of a funk the last couple weeks and enough is enough.
It started with homesickness. The first six weeks we were here are a blur. I feel like I was so busy just trying to stay afloat being a new mom I hardly even realized that I was away from home. I think I was just handling one major adjustment and transition at a time. Number 1: motherhood. Now that things have settled down into more of a routine, I am beginning to process Number 2:moving. For me, this has been the harder of the two. I miss being around my family and friends that actually KNOW me. I miss relationships based on more then just the fact that we are both moms or both desperately looking for friendship. Even worse, I hate that I have these two amazing little girls who are growing and changing every day and no one nearby to share it with. It breaks my heart.
Then right in the thick of my pity party, my little sister goes through something huge and hard and it kills me to be so far from home.
THEN Rosemary decided to stop sleeping at night. Instead of doing her lovely 6 hour stretches...she cuts back to sleeping for a couple hours at a time and then crying for a couple hours more. Not hungry, not sick. Just crying. Miserable.
AND of course I pick right now to really start caring about my weight again. I gained 38 lbs while pregnant and dropped 30 almost immediately but now the rest seems to be permanent and I think I started even GAINING again. BOO.

But I guess the whole point of my writing today was to declare that enough is enough and I am pulling myself out of my funk...rather than just writing myself deeper into it. I realize how much my attitude dictates the rest of my families happiness. I remember my mom having that power growing up and that she still has it today. It's easy to forget that now I'm an adult and I'M THE MOM and have to carry that responsibility. I have the power to be happy and positive and to create a happy, positive home or to be grouchy and short and depressed and to drag everyone else down with me. I'm allowed to have a bad day or even a bad week or month...but I know I can do better than what I have been doing lately. I know I have so much to be grateful for and things really aren't THAT bad. I'm heading out to SLC October 22 which is only a few weeks away and get to be there for nine whole days! I really love where we are at. It is beautiful and I have met a lot of great people. I stay busy and am doing much more socially then I ever anticipated I would be this early on. I am part of a wonderful twins group and have found some great friends through it and from our ward. It certainly isn't the same yet, but how could it be? I know this transition will get easier with time (or we'll move back :)).
My sister is doing remarkably well and I know I can support and love her even from Colorado.
Rosie slept until 4:15 Sunday night and 4:45 last night so that was a wonderful relief.
AND I have a new diet where I am forcing myself to eat 10 baby carrots before I can eat anything between meals which is obviously a fail proof plan and I'll be fit as a fiddle in no time.:)
So...things are looking up.
No more grouchy, weepy, me. Promise.

Busy Busy and 12 weeks old

We have had a whirlwind few weeks. We had visits from both sets of grandparents and went to Salt Lake over Labor Day to have the girls blessed. It was so wonderful to have the help, be with family, see some friends, and just have a change to the routine. It has taken me a few days to remember how to take care of these two cutie pies on my own during the day but we are getting there. They are growing so fast! They were exactly 10 lbs at 10 weeks and even more now. Time goes by so fast. I have pictures of them all over my fridge and I can't believe how different they look from just a few weeks ago. They are smiling up a storm (especially Rosie) and Evie has really started to find her voice. It is so much fun being a mom and I feel so blessed to have these little girls. I love watching them learn new things and really start noticing and interacting with the world and people around them. They are sleeping from about 10:30 to 4:30 most nights and I feel very lucky.

I'm overwhelmed at the thought of trying to write about everything from the last few weeks AND the girls and I are due to eat and watch Dr. Phil in about ten minutes....so I think I'll just post a bunch of pics. :)

Out on Pearl Street...always feeding


Rosie and Evie's first trip to the movie theater.


Blessing Day



Twin cousins Cassidy and Meredith


Great Grandpa Richardson

Out for a walk behind our apartment

Grandma Meakin

lazy days

So I feel like I haven't posted anything forever and the main reason is that my camera is broken and had to be sent away to be fixed. It has been terrible. Everyday there is probably two dozen times where I am dying to take a picture but can't. I get this awful anxiety feeling that I am not capturing this darling time in their lives. (you know..them staring up at me or at each other AGAIN, or doing that really cute face when they cry AGAIN, or laying in their cribs sleeping AGAIN). I am sure I will survive with the crappy camera on my phone and a video camera for now.. but it's still frustrating.

We haven't been up to much since our wonderful beach trip. Ben got really sick with a sore throat/head cold type thing and it slowly trickled onto me and the babies. It made for a hard week where everyone felt overtired and extra fussy. It made Rosie (whom I affectionately call Dragon Baby) even more dragon-like and Evie (who her pediatrician calls Puddin-pie) even less puddin-like and more of a little monster. But we survived and everyone has returned to their sweet normal selves and I am very happy.

In my down time the last couple weeks I have done some really lame things such as finish the first season of Laguna Beach. Did you ever see that show?? Well its awful. Absolutely NO redeeming qualities. Terrible acting, completely unlikeable characters, ridiculous premise, etc etc. BUT I finished all The Office Episodes available to stream on Netflicks and there aren't a lot of good options. And once in a while, watching a 20 min episode about filthy rich and stupid teenage girls was a nice minibreak from being a mama-cow sitting on the couch most of the day.

We also had a lovely visit from my sister in-law and her darling family a couple of weeks ago. They were on their way home from a cross-country road-trip from Connecticut to Idaho with their four small children (WOW) and stopped in for a night. SO fun to have our girls meet their cousins and see how some of those Meakin good-looks have been passed on. I wish all families could live in the same little neighborhood and that nobody would ever have to move away. But then I guess visits wouldn't be so special...

Speaking of special visits... we are looking forward to a little trip up to Estes Park this weekend, a visit from Grandma and Grandpa Enslin next week, going to SLC to visit and bless these girls over Labor Day, and then having Grandma and Grandpa Meakin come back to CO with us for a bit. Busy, busy.

Progress, Progress: Evie and Rosie are truly wonderful sleepers. Last night they went to bed around eleven and slept till 5am! They did a long six hour stretch once before (August 16th to be exact) but usually get up around 3am and then again at 6am. Still pretty darn good for 9wks. The girls have started smiling real smiles!! They are also making more noises besides crying. They will sit and stare up at me and make the most darling little coos. I love, love, love them.

Adventure

Although we got many looks and comments about how we are insane to take 7 week old babies so far from home ON AN AIRPLANE, TO THE BEACH, and to DISNEYLAND...we did it. I was nervous that the whole thing would be crazy and end up being miserable and not worth the money or effort but it was fantastic. We loved seeing the family, hanging out and taking pics with cousins Ella and Ava, and just being out of the house and doing something different for a couple days. I must say, it made coming back home to the familiar couch where I feed and pump ALL DAY LONG a little depressing...but I am feeling better this morning. :) Rosie and Evie were a little fussy on the beach the first day and their very protective dad wouldn't allow much more of that but it was great going on walks on the boardwalk carrying the girls in a sling and baby bjorn.

We were not planning on going to DisneyLand but because of my sisters obsession we were talked into it and it was so, so great. We took the girls on the Jungle Cruise, Pirates of the Caribbean, Small World, and Storybook Land. Ben and I were also able to go on Big Thunder Mountain and Space Mountain while grandparents and aunt and uncles watched the babies. It is just so much fun being there even if you are sitting on a bench feeding a baby. After the sun went down Rosie and Evie loved riding in their stroller looking at the lights and taking it all in. AND let it be known that DisneyLand has the worlds nicest baby center. There is this amazing little building run by darling little old ladies where you can change your baby, breast feed your baby, or put your baby in a highchair and feed them. It even has a pumping room and little tiny toilets for kids at that stage. I was nervous about going to D-Land and having to lock myself in a bathroom stall several times during the day to pump (my favorite thing) but was very pleasantly surprised. Disneyland IS the happiest place on earth.

The whole trip was awesome and the girls LOVED it. How many 7 week olds can say they have flown on an airplane, laid on the beach, and met Mickey Mouse?? Not many. Very lucky girls.

Surprised

August 5th was my girls' actual due date but they have already been here for six weeks. I can't believe it has been that long and that time has slipped away so fast. I also can't really remember what life was like before they came. They weighed 5 lbs and 5lbs 1oz at birth and now weigh 8lbs 2oz and 8lbs 3oz!

I don't handle change well...especially anticipating it. I always worry myself sick and convince myself that I'm not ready and won't be any good at what is ahead of me. I seriously have a problem. I cried my eyes out when my husband proposed to me and spent a majority of our engagement worrying and contemplating backing out. Not because of Ben, but because of me. And to my surprise, married life has been nothing short of bliss.

I worried throughout my pregnancy that I wasn't ready to be a mom. I read half a dozen twin books that only made me feel less prepared and worry even more. Some of these books and what they suggest are absolutely absurd!

And I quote from pg. 29 in one such ridiculous book: "If you plan on your first three months home with twins to be anything better than panicked hysteria (and it very well could be anyway) you will need around the clock help. If you are accustomed to living frugally, the rates you will need to pay good help will make you gasp. We are talking about professionals who are better at handling your babies than you are. You can expect to pay over $100 per day or over $200 a night for this service. Find a way. Ask your parents. Get a second mortgage. But however you do it, you must convince yourself and your spouse that this is not a luxury but an absolute necessity."
Reading stuff like this at eight months pregnant doesn't help quiet any fears. I really did enjoy being pregnant and I never wanted it to end partly because I was so terrified for these babies to come.

Being a new mom is really hard. Being a new mom is exhausting. But it is also pretty amazing. I spend about 10 hours every day feeding these babies because of a ridiculous routine I have going of breastfeeding, bottle feeding and then pumping every three hours. Being a new mom is overwhelming. We have had a some really rough nights, a handful of bad days, daily stressful screaming feedings, but all in all the hard times are mostly just singular moments...they resolve themselves usually in a matter or minutes and quiet back down into something wonderful. Six weeks in, I am surprised again. We are not just surviving taking care of twins on our own-- but truly thriving and loving it.

M is for Meakin

Well I am finally starting a blog. I really don't have much of a life right now so I really don't know what I will write about. But it has been one of my goals to start one for quite awhile and I've put it off for long enough. I wanted to start one when we began our IVF journey June 2009...but didn't. M is for Misery. I wanted to start one when I found out I was pregnant with twins back in December. M is for Miracle Multiples. But didn't get around to it. I wanted to start blogging when I had to stop teaching because of problems with preterm labor. I was put on house arrest, Ben left for Colorado, and I moved in with my mom. Finally I thought I would get around to it and make it happen but somehow all my time was sucked up by laying on the couch, eating, and being a baby because my husband wasn't around. M is for Missing Ben. I thought I would start one when my beautiful babies showed up early at 34 weeks and had to stay for three weeks in the hospital. With all the running back and forth to the NICU for feedings and visits there wasn't any time for blogging. M for is Madness.


Finally, I am starting my blog. Finally, my little girls Rosemary and Evelyn are out of the hospital and I finally feel like a real mom. M is for Motherhood. Finally, I have my husband and my babies in one place...even if that place is Colorado and 8 hours away from all of my friends and family. M is for Moving.

I hope blogging will help me feel connected to all the wonderful people in my life and keep them apprised with what we are up to. M is for Meakin Family.