Family Reunion

We had an awesome trip to Tennessee and there are about a thousand pictures to show for it. The weather was perfect and the company better. We spent a day and a half in Dollywood which was a blast. It has the same good happy vibe as Disney but wasn't as crowded and has a lot more big roller coasters. I unfortunately couldn't ride any of them but Ben had a blast with his siblings and the girls loved all the kiddie rides, especially the mini roller coaster and the Rockin Roadway.

We went on 2 hikes in The Great Smokey Mountain National park which was gorgeous. I want to live somewhere with trees like this.

The resort we were at also had a really fun indoor water park with some great slides, a wave pool, and a bunch of kid areas that everyone loved.

The rest of the week we spent playing games, catching up, learning some Meakin family history, attending church, having dance parties, and eating lots and lots of food. It was a great time and I'm sad its over. The girls adored being with their grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins. I will never stop wishing I could live in the same city as all my wonderful family.

Now we are home and back to reality which for us this week has been potty training. I'm so glad we waited so long to try round 2 because the girls have done about a million times better and are definitely more ready. We are making progress every day and while certainly still a nuisance, it has been a low stress ordeal.
Evie has had some trouble at the park the last few days but other than that we have been dry and clean for almost 48 hours. It will be awhile yet before we go anywhere very confidently but I'm very proud of these two little big girls.

Real Happiness

Happiness has been in the back of my mind this week. My sister in law wrote a really great post about it and the things that provide authentic happiness in her life. I'm also reading a book right now called The Geography of Bliss about a man that travels all around the world trying to figure out where the happiest places on Earth are and what it is that makes the people living there so much happier than the rest of us.

 I think in general I'm a pretty happy person. I get worn out and fed up and have bad days but I have a great life and feel very content most of the time. I was trying to think of things in my life that really make me happy. My faith, my beautiful girls, my awesome husband, my supportive family, great friends...but more specific than that. When I tried to think of exact moments that I become conscious of being happy,  two popped into my head. Both occur when I'm half asleep in bed-- go figure.

Rosie and Evie have been waking up much earlier since having been moved to big girl beds. They rise about 6:15 and usually get busy playing and building a giant fort out on the landing where they drag every blanket and pillow upstairs from all over the house.  Or they go busy themselves with mischeif in the kitchen and scavenge for food and end up spilling frozen peas and corn all over the floor or eating all the left over brownies that were left covered on the counter the night before. Or they come get in bed with us and jump and play or fight and scream. But sometimes, SOMETIMES they quietly come get in bed between us and fall back asleep or at least lie very quiet and still for a half an hour or so. That is a moment that I feel truly happy. My whole family  in my bed, clover yawning on the floor, birds chirping outside, and little smiles all around.

The other moment is a more regular occurance and much simpler. Most nights as I'm falling asleep and most mornings right when I wake up, Ben and I will hold hands under the covers for a few minutes. It's something very small but it makes me happy. I feel content and safe and glad to be apart of a marriage and a family that I love so much. We have done it since we were first married and I have always loved it...but maybe it feels even more special now because we don't have as many opportunities to hold hands. There is always a busy little girl in both of our arms or at our sides.

I know I'm conscious of being happy at times when I'm not partially unconscious. I'm happy everyday\ but I think I fail to really notice it and slow down enough to make a mental note. Last Tuesday night, however, a regular evening with no big plans-- I did.
We were home eating spaghetti for dinner and decided that after we cleaned up we would go for a family bike ride. Ben had just gotten his bike back from the shop the day before and even though a rain storm was clearly blowing in, we thought we'd go out for a quick spin anyway. It was still nice and warm outside when we left but the breeze was picking up and the sky was turning a really awesome charcoal color. We road through the neighborhood and down the trail to the little lake near our house. The lightning started flashing and thunder started booming over our heads.  I always love a good rain storm but it's been a very long time  since I've been outside to witness it really pick up momentum.  No rain was falling yet but the thunder was so loud and coming every minute or so and making the girls scream and laugh in the bike trailer. On one side of the lake there is a small farm with a pasture full of goats and horses. Right as we came around the corner the thunder boomed and 3 spooked horses, brown, white, and black went bolting through the field right in front of us followed by a bunch of goats.

We got home just as the rain was starting to fall and sat in the driveway watching the sky for a few minutes. The girls were in absolute awe. When it really started coming down we went back into the sun room to eat popsicles wrapped in a blanket and listen to the rain hammering down on the metal roof above us. Rosie and Evie took turns running out into the yard arcross the grass and puddle jumping on the sidewalk. It was one of those magic evenings where the universe opens up and gives you something perfect. I don't ever want to forget it.

Happiness can sneak up on you.

So can misery. Yesterday was one of those days.  We leave for Tennessee today to go meet up with Ben's family for a reunion in Great Smokey Mountain National Park and Dollywood. I am so excited. Our flight is later this afternoon and in retrospect, I guess I had plenty of time to get us ready because I've found time to sit down and blog...but it didn't feel like that yesterday. I love/hate getting ready for trips. I love the anticipation of heading off for an adventure and change of pace and seeing people I love, but I hate all the work that goes into it. It doesn't help that I'm a little obsessed and crazy about packing and getting the house ready to go. I, like most most people I'm sure, want to leave the house perfectly clean. I want the bathrooms cleaned, the floors vacuumed and mopped, and no dirty laundry left in the baskets. And I want it done fresh before we go so that means most everything waits until the day we leave and creates a monster day of cleaning and folding clothes and packing. As well as watching and entertaining two little ladies that seem bent on destroying the house and pestering each other to no end. I remember being a kid and us all being buckled up in the family suburban waiting to pull out to head on a trip to Southern Utah or California. My mom would always be the last in the car and it would drive us crazy waiting to go. What in the world was taking her so long? She was mopping the floor.  I finally get that.

So that was yesterday and I just wasn't handling it well. I felt overwhelmed and very tense all day and was being impatient and snappy with Rose and Eve. Around one o'clock, after Rosie had made an "alligator"  by opening and sticking a box worth of bandaids all over the kitchen table and one or both of the girls had yanked the silverware drawer open so hard that it came crashing out of the wall and broke...we decided to go to the gym and take a break. The girls could burn off some energy and I could burn off some steam.
I walked/jogged a couple of miles on the treadmill and started to feel really crumby. I realized I had been so busy that I had forgotten to eat anything at lunch time and that doesn't fly so well being pregnant. I went and got the girls and drove home and got their freshly washed blankets and stuffed animals out of the dryer to head up to nap. Normally they love getting their things fresh from the dryer but today Evie wouldn't have it. She through an enormous crazy tantrum in her room demanding that I make her animals cold again. By this time, they had cooled down to normal tempreature but she couldn't be appeased. I ended up leaving her shut in her room while she kicked and screamed on the floor. Right then Ben called to check on us and I felt so lousy and was so stressed out that I snapped at him and hung up. I went back in Evie's room and settled her down and sang her to sleep. I text Ben and apologized and went down stairs and ate an ice cream sandwich and then started sobbing. I all of sudden just felt overcome with all the stress and guilt and chores piling up on me.
 
I tried to get back to packing interrupted by fits of tears. I know I always sound like an absolute wreck on my blog but I promise I haven't had a good cry since February when I thought our IVF cycle had failed. I was overdue. Of course Evie decided to get up within the hour and found me sitting on my bed, all red and puffy. She was very concerned and came and layed down with me in bed. She pulled the blankets all the way up under my chin and sang me Twinkle Twinkle and the ABC's which was so unbelievably darling and made me cry harder. She rolled out of bed and went and brought me a drink of water from the bathroom, a square of toilet paper for my nose, and a teddy bear Ben bought me years ago that Rosie has since taken over. She was about as sweet as humanly possible and I felt so happy and so sad all at the same time. Luckily Ben ended up coming home early to rescue me and offered to take the girls to the mall and give me the night alone. but by then all I wanted to do was be with my family.
Sometimes it takes a little misery to realize how happy you are. Opposition in all things...

Finding moments of true happiness is tricky. You can't buy it or win it or even make it. I do believe so much of personal happiness comes from your outlook and attitude but it's more than that.  You can try to slow down and create moments of happiness with yourself and the people you love. But it doesn't always work. Plans get changed or ruined, someone is grumpy or throwing a tantrum which might hinder your happiness. But happiness is different than just having fun and sometimes shows up when you aren't having fun at all. And you can certainly have fun even when you aren't really happy.

 Time is up and I have a few more things to do before we head to the airport. Happiness, the real deal, comes from somewhere much deeper and has a lot to do with faith, and family, and friends and slowing down enough to be conscious and grateful. Here's to more moments of real happiness.

Random: 14 weeks, Chocolate, Bedtime stories

I spoke too soon in my last post. Spring had definitely not come and my pregnancy sickness was not over.
We have had the craziest spring storms and more snow in the last couple weeks then we had all winter. It came in huge amounts by blizzard but would be gone within 48 hours. It's been gorgeous the last several days but another storm comes tomorrow. grrrrr. But hopefully it won't be too bad. My sickness came back in the evenings in the form of pounding head aches but I'll take that for now over nausea. 14 weeks pregnant. I feel like I was sick forever but at the same time I can't believe I'm already that far along. So short and so long all at once.

One problem with never getting around to blogging is that when I finally do, there are so many small and random things I want to write about it's hard to put together a coherent, focused post. And so I'm not even going to try.

I went to my 12 ultrasound about a week and a half ago and  it was amazing. Up until now this little baby hasn't looked like much but this time it was a moving, kicking, bouncing baby and took my breath away. I loved it. That appointment made everything more real for me and all the days of feeling crumby so worth it.

The ultrasound tech was trying to convince me not to find out the gender at our 20 week appointment and I'm surprised that I'm actually considering it. Ben isn't for waiting and I don't think I'm made for it either but I do think it would be an awesome experience.

Something I have noticed that I know was also true of my last pregnancy, my chocolate addiction has majorly regressed. I'm usually the kind of person that shouldn't have chocolate chips on hand because I'll end up eating half the bag before any cookies are made. But now that's not the case. I'm just not that interested. In fact, while we were in Salt Lake my parents' new puppy got into my diaper bag and ate an entire chocolate bar a friend had given me a few weeks earlier. I had somehow completely forgotten the chocolate was in my bag which would have NEVER happened before. Poor Abby had to be taken to the emergency vet to have her stomach pumped. :( The same goes with ice cream which usually I'm crazy for. Ben made a late night slurpee run for me last night and reminded me how often we frequented the 7-11 when I was carrying my Rose and Eve. I'm definitely a lot hungrier than normal so I'm certainly making up for the chocolate calories I'm not consuming. I wonder though,  how much healthier and perhaps slimmer I could be when not pregnant  if my cravings for chocolate and ice cream were not naturally sky high. It's strange and kind of refreshing to not want it.

Evie and Rose have continued to do much better than expected with their big girl bed. Rosie has been a rock star and has never once gotten out of her bed after we tuck her in at night. Evie on the other hand has been a more challenging which we expected. She has gotten better about going to bed but often sneaks out in the middle of the night. She doesn't wake us up but quietly comes in and finds a place to hunker down. A few times I found her curled up in Clover's dog bed in our room or just on the floor in our doorway around 2 am but lately she ends up on the couch out in the hall. Pretty darling.

We were also having an issue with our bedtime routine dragging on forever. The girls were demanding a million stories and  song after song after song until you were about to lose your mind. We finally instituted a prize box where the girls get some sort of knick knack in the morning if they go to bed after two stories and three songs. It has worked like a charm and bedtime is much more pleasant. 

Another bed time story I want to remember happened a few months ago when the girls were still sharing the same room. They both woke up around 10 o'clock screaming and crying because the smoke alarm in their room was beeping because the battery was low. They thought it was a bird and were terrified. They kept saying: " Birdie! Tweet Tweet!!" and then continued to talk about it for weeks and weeks and how daddy had fixed it.  About a month after, Rosie woke up in the middle of the night crying and complaining about the bird in her room again. I was holding her in the dark and she kept saying there was a bird until we realized it was Evie in the other crib snoring sweetly and making a small whistling sound with her nose. :)

The girls have been talking up a storm and people comment to me all the time how much more vocal they are. Rosie has been helping to translate for Evie a little bit. Yesterday Evie was pointing out an owie on her foot and saying she needed  the "hanta bottle" and Ben kept saying "santa bottle? what's that?" and finally Rosie screamed "HOSPITAL!!".
One of my favorite things lately is whenever one girl is being particularly difficult and throwing a tantrum the other will make it a big point to be sweet and polite. They say "Thank you really much mommy" and "Mommy, look. I'm not crying. I'm happy."

Saturday we had a gorgeous day at the zoo. We saw the sea lion and elephant shows and every animal, ate a picnic lunch, and got ice cream before we headed home. We spent the evening planting flowers and hanging a bird feeder in the back yard. Within 48 hours the birds and squirrels have almost completely emptied it and Rose and Eve have spent lots of time at the window watching the feeding frenzy.
These girls get more and more fun with every passing day.

Easter Holiday

We had great visit from one of my oldest friends Liz a couple weeks ago. I was feeling pretty crumby most of the time and she was so patient and helpful and good with the girls. It was lovely to just hang out and catch up and have an extra pair of hands. Check out these three beauties.


















We then drove out to UT for Tami's wedding and for a visit and had a wonderful time. I loved being there for Tami's sealing and enjoyed catching up with some high school friends at the reception. The girls had a blast running around like crazy and climbing on the tables to blow out the candles.

Easter was perfect. I never miss SLC that much in the winter because the inversion is so terrible but you can't beat it in the spring. It was gorgeous and warm and we had a blast dying eggs, having a hunt, and playing family basketball. The girls are positively in love with their cousins. We went and saw The Croods with Grandpa and Grandma and went to Ella's soccer games. We saw lots of good friends and enjoyed the gorgeous weather and watching General Conference with the fam. We hung out with Daniel and Becca most the day Saturday and loved seeing them too.

 

The only down side was we had an incident with spilled milk in the car which has been quite the ordeal trying to remedy. I seriously gag whenever I open the door.  I've tried baking soda, vinegar, and having the seats and carpets professionally cleaned but it isn't completely gone. I left the windows open to try to air it out and our Garmin and Ben's old ePad tablet were stolen out of the car because I forgot they were in there. boo.

We are home and hopefully saying good bye to the last of winter's storms. The sun is out melting it all away. The girls have loved watching all the robins jumping along the grass and up into the trees. Ben worked like a maniac while we were gone cleaning out the garage, putting in shelves and installing a new garage door opener, taking care of odds and ends, cleaning, and converting the girls cribs into toddler beds. He's incredible.

 I cherish nap time so very much (especially with my recent narcolepsy) and have been worried about making the transition into beds for a while. But the girls have been AWESOME. They love their new beds and stay in them and sleep like little angels. Surprise, surprise.

 I also feel like I've rounded a corner with this pregnancy and am feeling a lot better. 11 1/2 weeks. Still tired...but nothing like before and my nausea is gone most of the day. It is so fabulous to feel human again and have some energy.  The terrible symptoms offered some reassurance that things were still going ok but I'm staying positive. Ultrasound next week!