Pregnant

I have been hesitant to post anything about this because we've had a rocky start with lots of waiting and worrying. But I am 8 weeks pregnant and thrilled to be so. We had our second ultrasound yesterday and baby is growing right on track and had a heartbeat of 166.

6weeks 6 days: heart beat 123. Bottom right. Tiny arm buds :)

8weeks 5 days. Heartbeat 166. Tech says looks like a gummy bear.

Some details for my own record: We did our frozen IVF cycle the first week in February and I just knew it had worked. I said to my mom and Bea in the transfer room that it just felt right this time. But the dreadful two week wait brought a million doubts with it. I got the worst head cold of my life that week and just felt different. It was hard to determine what was caused by actual pregnancy hormones, the hormones I have to take, and what was just the bug I had caught. I was extremely moody, would wax and wane between being starving and having no appetite (especially at night), things tasted funky, lots of tension headaches in my temples, was queasy and dizzy, had lots of weird cramps, and a back ache.

I took a home pregnancy test at 8dpt and got a very, very faint line but then on 9dpt and 10dpt the line didn't get any darker and we were pretty positive we were out. I was sure it was a chemical  pregnancy and was ashamedly a little bugged that I had felt so positive and reassured every time I prayed about it. We went in for our first beta on 11dpt and it was 48. They want your hcg level to be at least 100 at this point. Definitely positive but definitely not strong. I was told it could be a late implanter and take off just fine or I could be losing it. More waiting. We went in again on 14dpt and it was 182, doubling every 36 hours.(The pregnancy is most likely not viable if the HCG doesn't double every 48-72 hours). On 18dpt it was 1246 and everything was looking pretty positive but we still had the big hurtle of seeing the heartbeat the following week.

Below are some of the shots I would take daily of my hpts to compare the lines. It's pretty brutal sitting there waiting and willing that line to get darker with all your heart. Obsessed much??? I know.


We went in at 6weeks and 6 days for our first ultrasound and made the mistake of bringing the girls. We thought it would be fun for them to see the baby on the screen. But it was total chaos and they were pretty terrible. They kept us waiting FOREVER because they were trying to get my records from the IVF clinic and poor Ben had to drag Rose and Eve out of the office screaming. Then of course I ended up with an extremely insensitive ultrasound tech that found a bleed in my uterus. It's called a subchorionic hemorrhage which can cause problems but is usually totally fine.  She gave a lot of great one liners like: "I'm having trouble finding much of anything in here." and "You're not bleeding yet? Well I'm sure you'll start any day now." and "Well, this could really go either way."

My OB was very reassuring and told me most likely everything would be fine but that she wanted to see me in a couple weeks to check on things. I left the appointment in tears even though we technically did get good news. Ever since then I haven't been able to get everything the tech said out of my head. More worrying.

But I went in yesterday and everything looked great. The bleed is looking better and is starting to absorb. I thankfully had a much nicer tech at this appointment. It has been a long time of feeling like we are in limbo and not sure if we should be excited or worried or if telling people is appropriate. It's hard to keep things a secret when you do IVF however... too many people know you're going through it because it is such an involved process. I have had lots of questions but haven't felt like talking about it much.

I got a hold of a babysitter while I was waiting to see the doctor and Ben and I went out last night to finally celebrate. I needed that.

Even though I am trying to be optimistic, we are of course still very early and not completely out of the woods.

I must say, the whole baby part definitely doesn't feel real yet but the sickness part definitely does. It has been so much worse this time around than it was with the girls (unless my memory is really THAT bad). I'm positively exhausted which is the main reason I never get around to blogging anymore and soooooo NAUSEOUS. I know I'm lucky. I don't throw up and know many women have it far, far worse. But it does get old constantly having the barf lump in your throat and feeling like your limbs are full of cement. Not to mention what seems like a permanent case of the uglies. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHH. But I am grateful.

I am so grateful it worked this time. I still can't believe it.
I am so grateful that even with all the ups and downs, we are still pregnant. 
I am so grateful for the peace I feel when I pray even when I'm filled with doubt.
I am so grateful  to be pregnant with ONE baby.
I am so grateful for a supportive husband that basically does it all when he gets home from work.
I am so grateful  for family and friends listening to me moan and groan.
I am so grateful for this baby and for my two perfect girls that remind me that it's worth it.

A long time coming...

Eeek. I haven't blogged in over a month. The last post I wrote was in January so I've had quite the long break. I'm ready to jump back into it but this post is going to be mostly pictures. Starting out slow. A picture is worth a thousand words- right?

 March is here. February is over. Hallelujah! A wonderful time for new beginnings and new life. I'm so excited for my friend Liz to come visit, to attend Tami's wedding, and to celebrate Easter and Conference with my family. Spring!!!!!  I had some anxiety as February approached because last year was so rough but this year it passed quite pleasantly. We had lots of warm, sunny days and some big snow storms that we really enjoyed. 

A few notes on my two beauties.

It's been a crazy few months with Rose. I'm seriously obsessed with her and love just being in her company. She is talking so much more and says such cute, hilarious things but sometimes I think she is going to drive me over the edge. We saw a movie with the girls a couple months ago, Wreck-it Ralph and I haven't said it out loud but she reminds me of the main character. Wreck-it Rose. She is so very destructive. Sometimes I think it is all just a series of accidents caused by curiosity but other times she seems seriously sneaky and mischievous. Her bent on breaking things started a couple months ago when she stood up on my moms kitchen counter and shattered a very sturdy hanging light with her head. She didn't even bat an eyelash. Recently she has been the leader of some serious marker issues in our house, she moved a chair over to the counter to get a candy heart and broke the lid of my favorite candy dish, she dumped my powdered bronzer out onto the carpet, squeezed out all my facial cleanser into the bathtub, and threw my Clarisonic face scrubber over the balcony and busted it. I promise I watch her and my house is pretty toddler proof...she is just faster and more clever and crazier than I ever expect.

 

I'm certainly not suggesting Evie is completely innocent but she is just so much more content to play quietly by herself and not destroy things. This is a picture of her at Olive Garden making two noodles talk to each other. :)

I have been concerned for a long time about my girls and their language development. I finally had a specialist from the Child Find program out for a home visit and she put a lot of my worries to rest. Evie has suddenly started making a lot longer and clearer sentences and is singing songs like the Alphabet and Twinkle and Twinkle. These aren't very impressive milestones for a 2 1/2 year old I realize but they are progress for us and it makes me happy. Evie has had trouble sleeping lately and often demands to sleep in our room at night in a packnplay by our bed. She is soooooo stubborn.  She keeps talking about a scary witch-- which breaks my heart and confuses me where she even got that idea in her head. Ben noticed  a pattern that Sunday and Monday nights are always the worst of the week and that it probably relates to the fact that we have started a tradition of Family Movie Night (parents lazy night) every Sunday. It has been really fun to check out great Disney/Pixar movies at the library and snuggle up altogether and eat popcorn. The girls LOVE it but I'm thinking we are going to have to do away with it for awhile. We aren't watching scary movies in the slightest but I was reading online how toddlers often have nightmares from watching shows that are too action packed or suspenseful before bed time. Evie has always been very much engrossed with what is on the tube so I wouldn't be surprised if they are related.

 Potty Training. OOOOOOOOOooooooooof. It is seriously the worst. I mean if you are actually doing it.... which we aren't. We had some circumstances where we had to put it on hold and that is where we are right now. Evie is suddenly a lot more interested so both little ladies use the potty a lot...but the lack of commitment on my part if what is holding us back. There is a plan in place but keeping the execution in the future is such a lovely relief. We'll get there. 

A million pictures just because:

2 1/2

 I am absolutely blown away by these girls. This post has been sitting unfinished for weeks now.

Rosie and Evie were jumping on my bed a few mornings ago and I decided to pull out my camera. I have had in the back of my mind that I wanted to do a 2 1/2 year post sometime this month (January) and fearing that that was never going to happen-- I thought I would try to take some quick portrait shots. They wouldn't sit together for more than two seconds (or even stay sitting up for that matter), they wouldn't look at me or smile on command and were just being wiggly and silly.  After about 10 minutes I decided it was a bust and I would try again another day.

 I finally went back and looked at the photos during their nap and they literally made me cry. The pictures aren't anything amazing or special but the girls...now that's another story. My daughters.

 Two and a half is an amazing age. Eve and Rose have grown into such lovely little girls. Things we tried doing with them a year ago are all of sudden so much more fun and a lot less work. Recently we have taken them bowling, sledding, swimming, and to a movie at the theater and had such a good time. We have our fair share of tantrums and whining and just being a stinker but that just comes with the toddler terrority. They love cooking and baking with me in the kitchen, painting, coloring, and going to gymnastics and library story time. They love singing and going to nursery and the day care at the gym. They love going to the park and we are lucky we have had such a warm winter. They hate having their hair done. They are learning their numbers and letters. They love seeing their cousins and grandparents and talk about them incessantly. They want a million stories and a million songs before bedtime. Their favorite books right now are The Runaway Bunny and Babies Birthday. There favorite songs are Over the River and Somewhere Over the Rainbow. They are lately obsessed with bubble baths and an obnoxious show called Caillou. They love jumping on our bed or taking the couch cushions off to jump into a pillow pile.They love playing hide and seek, chasing games and on the IPad. They love playing with their toy kitchen, shopping carts, and babies. These girls want kisses and band aids for every owie imagined or not. They are much more interested in seeing and playing with their friends then they ever have been. They love spinning around in circles until they are crazy dizzy and collapsing on top of each other. I love how they burst into laughter over unexpected things and their developing sense of humor.

I have read back on previous milestone posts I have written and while much of their likes and dislikes have stayed the same, they also seem to change so quickly. These posts are difficult because I hate to label or define them by certain things that switch and change and are sometimes true for both girls. I will never be able to write everything down but I think it's worth it to note a few things that seem to ring true at this point in time.

EVELYN IRENE:

 

 

 Evie is still my girl with the fiercer temper. She doesn't like to be messed with or taunted by her sister. She often says : "Mommy, Rosie bugger!" which translates to "Mommy, Rosie is bugging/bothering me." Evie is also the cuddlier of the two. She is shy and takes longer to warm up but has lately been much more out going and affectionate to the people she knows. She has a tender heart. Her favorite color is orange. She loves pooches and loves to get right down in their faces and snuggle them. Evelyn has a wonderful imagination. She is always in her own little world making two dolls or two crackers or her two hands talk to each other which is almost always in complete babble. She gets lost in what she is doing whether a game she is playing on her own or a TV show. She has the best gruff mad-scientist-type laugh. She loves to swing at the park and could do so forever. Evie loves princesses especially Ariel. She has just barely started asserting her independence and wanting to do things on her own and has learned how to climb out of her pack n play when we travel. Until recently, she would always say "mommy do it" when asked to do anything. She loves to help me clean and is more of a hindrance when she tries to stand under me and help push the vacuum. She loves to sing to herself and has zero interest in the potty. "No! Diaper! Baby!". She is very stubborn and couldn't care less about rewards. I love it when she is surprised or pretends to be and gasps out loud with her eyes wide and her mouth in a perfect "O".  Evie my blue eyed beauty.


ROSEMARY NELL:

Rosie, Rosie, Rosie. This girl is full of personality. She is more outgoing and is very, very busy. She gets into a lot of mischief and seems to be the leader of the two when it comes to causing trouble. She used to be the one I worried more with language but has made great strides and is the bigger talker right now. She is very clever and has great fine motor skills. She loves to taunt her sister just to get a rise out of her or take her toys and throw them where Evie can't reach them. Tsk, tsk. Rosie is also more accommodating, more willing to share, and more quick to apologize. She loves praise and I think sometimes is working to be viewed as the "good child" (which she gets from me :) ). She will do just about anything for a candy heart or marshmallow. She still loves to dress up and have her nails painted. Her favorite color is pink. She loves the slides at the park. Rosie is brave and will try new things like swinging on the rope swing into the pit at gymnastics. She especially likes to help me in the kitchen and wear her little apron. She loves to say "try it again" when she wants you to repeat something or "don't do that again!" when you do something like wipe her face after dinner. As far as potty training, I don't know where we stand with this gal. We have great days and not so great days. She sometimes gets really discouraged and doesn't want to do it at all and that makes me want to quit. Plus she won't poop in the potty so that's a major issue. She wants to brush her teeth, get dressed, buckle her seat belt, put on her socks and shoes all on her own and ofter yells "MY do it!". Rosie my feisty little sweetheart. 

Oh my girls. I am so lucky to have you and spend my days with you. You are kind and sweet, curious and mischievous, and perfect in every way. You drive me crazy but bring me so much happiness. I love you.