Home Again, Home Again

I wish I would have gotten it together to blog last week...or the week before. I hate feeling like I have so much to catch up on and always end up covering entire weeks and events with big blanket statements and can never decided on which pics to use. But oh well. I loved being in Salt Lake with my family. I saw so many good friends and had such a good time just being around my family. Rosemary and Evelyn had a fabulous first Halloween going to Cornbelly's, to the ward party, trick-or-treating and then hanging out with a bunch of friends at my parents house. That was actually Oct 30th...Utah Halloween. We jumped in the car early on Sunday (the 31st) to get home in time for a Halloween party one of our friends in Colorado was having but never made it. Our car broke down in Larime, Wyoming where we had to stay the night in the Super8 motel because their wasn't a mechanic open on Sunday. Scariest Halloween yet. Ben had to jog a couple miles to a supermarket to get baby formula, we had to sneak poor Clover into the motel, and the car didn't even get fixed the next day because they didn't have the right part. We ended up needing to get a rental car to drive the remaining 2 hours home and come back for the car a couple days later. AND the motel charged us for two nights instead of just one because we were 30 minutes late checking out because Ben was trying to get a ride back from the car dealership. Oh man.

I was thinking the whole car extravaganza was a major sign that we shouldn't be going back to Colorado. We had a big discussion (again) about what is best for our family and it really is a tough call. I do love Salt Lake and I really do miss being around my family and old friends. But I've been surprised by how much I have liked being in Colorado this last week. I was anticipating that old homesick pit in my stomach to be waiting for me when we arrived, but it wasn't. Maybe I just needed a nice long trip to Salt Lake? I guess time will tell. I am very lucky to have a husband that will even entertain the idea of packing up and moving back just to appease me...but I'm not so sure I could let him do that.

Baby Lily continues to struggle in the hospital. Lots of hard days and even harder decisions. She is the sweetest thing. It stinks being far away again but I realize I wasn't very much help when I was there. I was anticipating being much more useful by helping babysit Ella and Ava while Erin was up at the hospital...but things usually just erupted into chaos.
4 month old Evie + 4 month old Rosie+ 6 month old Ava + 2 year old Ella (all desperate for attention)= WAY TOO MUCH CRYING. So as much as I'd like to be there...its probably better that I'm not. Thanksgiving is only a couple weeks away!

Rosie and Evie had their 4 month appointment with darling Dr. Bucknam. They weigh 13 lbs 9 oz and 13 lbs 8 oz, the 50th and 45th percentile for weight. Rosie is 25 inches long and Evie is an inch shorter. They are both big headed beauties in the 70th and 80th percentile. Everyone always thinks Evie is the bigger baby even though she is shorter and weighs slightly less...but that big noggin throws people off. Both girls are talking more and more, laughing (SO CUTE) and are rolling over sporadically. They are eating 5 oz bottles and breastfeeding (switching off)for 6 feedings a day and sleeping from about 9pm to 5am. What good girls!

We had a really nice weekend in the beautiful warm weather. Winter, please never come! Friday we ate at yummy Jason's deli with the free soft-serve (best thing)and Saturday we went jogging with the girls (so good to exercise!) and went to Saturday Night at the Museum. It is part of the Denver Arts Festival where they open up all the museums late at night for FREE and provide buses to take you to all of them. So fun. I loved being in the city. We are surrounded by so much farmland and I'm still not quite used to the different landscape. I think frequent trips into Denver will definitely need to be part of my "making Colorado feel like home" attempt. Sunday we went to church and had a lovely dinner at a friends house. Great weekend...Boo for Mondays...

Baby Lily

My older sister had Lily on Sunday morning. Ben and I were planning on heading to Salt Lake on Friday to come and see her but we had a quick change of plans. We were sitting in sacrament meeting waiting for more texts and pics of this new sweet baby and Ben turned to me and said: "You need to be with your family." We drove home from church, packed up the car, and less then 2 hours later we were on the road. Thank you to my wonderful husband for getting me here.

Lily is my sisters fourth daughter, and second born with partial trisomy 16 partial monosomy 9...which is a chromosomal problem. Charlotte was her first trisomy baby and passed away February 2009 at 3 1/2 years old after being loved and obsessed over by everyone that knew her. We weren't sure how long Lily would be here but after a couple scary days, it seems she is here to stay for awhile. She is still in the NICU but is making progress everyday. My sister is an amazing writer and also a nurse and is therefore much better at conveying the details on her blog which is http://booferd.blogspot.com. We've been to the hospital a lot but somehow I always forget my camera...these pics are courtesy of her blog.

It has been so, so good to be here. So special to see such a beautiful new baby. So nice to be with my sister and family. So fun to have my girls play with their cousins, aunts, uncle and grandparents. Ben kept telling me during my bouts with homesickness that I was idealizing Utah but it turns out I wasn't. It really is THAT great.

Visiting Lily in the NICU has brought back so many memories from when Rosie and Evie were there. All the beeping alarms and tubes. Bad memories of postpartum sobbing, loneliness, and rocking babies that won't finish their bottles. But also really sweet memories of being there late at night with Ben on the Fourth of July. Being with my mom there in the mornings. Good friends making a special effort to come and see them.

While they were there, Ben and I talked about Charlotte a lot. I miss that little girl. We always knew Rosemary and Evelyn were going to be just fine but we got a tiny glimpse of how hard it is to have babies in the hospital. It is torture watching them be poked and pricked and not being able to take them home with you. I don't know how my sister and her husband survived it the first time with Charlotte, and now they are starting round 2 with Lily.

But I do know that they can do it. This is what life is all about. I know these babies are special and have a very important mission. They receive a body and are born into an eternal family which I think is the only part of their mission that is for themselves. They don't ever walk to take themselves places or talk to tell you what they would like to do. Their mission is selfless. Charlotte brought so much joy and love with her and strengthened our family more during her short life than any other single event. Having children teaches us so much about service and sacrifice and real Christ-like love. It helps us learn how to love like our Father in Heaven loves us and to become the kind of people He needs us to be. I don't think anything else comes close. These special babies intensify the process and have the power to extend that teaching and love beyond just their parents but into the world around them. They are the most humble, beautiful, tender of teachers. Their presence extends the arms of heaven.

I'm so grateful to have the Gospel and these beautiful truths in my life. I am so grateful that families are forever and that one day I'll be able to hug and thank Charlotte for everything she did. For now though, I'm so excited to get to know baby Lily and learn from her.

Pumpkin Patch

We went to a darling pumpkin patch last Friday run by a family of farmers. It had a little stacked hay maze for kids, a pretty impressive corn maze for us, and one of those great pumpkin fields and red wagons for you to go find your perfect pumpkin. It had farm animals and new baby kittens and a barn dog. Completely free family fun. Well...completely free for those that don't get a $105 speeding ticket on their way to said pumpkin patch. Boo.

I love fall and Halloween and everything that comes with it. I love temperatures in the 60s and 70s. I love that wonderful crisp dry leaf smell and wearing sweaters and boots. I love crunching through the leaves and baking pumpkin cookies, pies, and breads. I love fall and Halloween decorations and having a bowl of candy corn on the table. Home feels so much more homey in the fall...even away from home.

Three Years

Today is our actual anniversary. Three years. I feel like we have been married forever but it blows my mind that many people live to see their 50th anniversaries...and a rare few even see 75! Insane. Ben and I both agree that making it to our 60th is a good goal and a plenty long enough life.

I thought I would write today to pay a little tribute to my sweetheart. Benjamin La Salle Meakin is the love of my life and the best husband in the world. I dated some real bums in my day and I thank my lucky stars that Ben found me and convinced me to marry him. I was kind of a ninny and didn't feel like I was ready to get married but it was the best decision he ever made for me.

For those of you that know Ben, you've probably noticed that he isn't the type that makes a big, warm, friendly effort in social situations. Although this trait can at times drive me nuts-- he makes up for it 100 times over in the effort he makes at home. He is so good to me. He is endlessly patient and understanding and loyal. He bends over backwards to make me happy, to protect me, and to make sure I'm comfortable. I am constantly surprised by how much he exceeds my expectations of what a husband and father should do. He works hard, he cleans, he cooks, he gets up with the babies, and puts up with all my shenanigans without complaint. He tells me he loves me a dozen times a day and we literally have a conversation about how lucky we are to have each other several times a week.

While we were at the hot springs in Steamboat last weekend (our very first evening away from Rosie and Evie) we took turns listing off our favorite memories from the last three years. We talked about the birth of our girls, finding out we were pregnant, going to Europe, to Seattle, to Hawaii, to DC, our honeymoon, camping trips, driving to Cedar City to get our puppy Clover and many, many others. I love being married to Ben and our life together. He is my perfect guy.

Gratitude in Steamboat

We went to Steamboat Springs for Conference weekend and to celebrate our 3 year anniversary. It was just what I needed. I wouldn't say I am completely de-funked but it was a very good step in the right direction. We went to the exact same place and did almost the exact same things we did last year on this very same weekend. We ate breakfast at the darling Creekside Cafe where Ben loves their french toast sandwich, went hiking, went to the hot springs (this time we were brave and used a babysitting service), worked out, got ice cream (to cancel-out the exercise), enjoyed the beautiful autumn leaves, and watched Conference.

Last year, we were coming from SLC and it was in Steamboat that Ben had his first phone interview which eventually landed him the job at Qualcomm and brought us to Colorado. Last year, I laid in bed crying because I felt like we were never going to have a baby. A dear friend of mine had just miscarried her IVF twins and I was waiting and waiting to get the go ahead to start our next cycle. The whole process seemed so unfair and daunting and hopeless.

One year later exactly, what a different place we are in. How very lucky are we. President Monsons talk on gratitude was just what I needed to hear. "To live life with gratitude in your heart is to touch heaven."
Steamboat Springs October 2009


Streamboat Springs October 2010

Looking Up

I'm trying to start this week off right and have a good attitude and be positive. I have let myself slip into somewhat of a funk the last couple weeks and enough is enough.
It started with homesickness. The first six weeks we were here are a blur. I feel like I was so busy just trying to stay afloat being a new mom I hardly even realized that I was away from home. I think I was just handling one major adjustment and transition at a time. Number 1: motherhood. Now that things have settled down into more of a routine, I am beginning to process Number 2:moving. For me, this has been the harder of the two. I miss being around my family and friends that actually KNOW me. I miss relationships based on more then just the fact that we are both moms or both desperately looking for friendship. Even worse, I hate that I have these two amazing little girls who are growing and changing every day and no one nearby to share it with. It breaks my heart.
Then right in the thick of my pity party, my little sister goes through something huge and hard and it kills me to be so far from home.
THEN Rosemary decided to stop sleeping at night. Instead of doing her lovely 6 hour stretches...she cuts back to sleeping for a couple hours at a time and then crying for a couple hours more. Not hungry, not sick. Just crying. Miserable.
AND of course I pick right now to really start caring about my weight again. I gained 38 lbs while pregnant and dropped 30 almost immediately but now the rest seems to be permanent and I think I started even GAINING again. BOO.

But I guess the whole point of my writing today was to declare that enough is enough and I am pulling myself out of my funk...rather than just writing myself deeper into it. I realize how much my attitude dictates the rest of my families happiness. I remember my mom having that power growing up and that she still has it today. It's easy to forget that now I'm an adult and I'M THE MOM and have to carry that responsibility. I have the power to be happy and positive and to create a happy, positive home or to be grouchy and short and depressed and to drag everyone else down with me. I'm allowed to have a bad day or even a bad week or month...but I know I can do better than what I have been doing lately. I know I have so much to be grateful for and things really aren't THAT bad. I'm heading out to SLC October 22 which is only a few weeks away and get to be there for nine whole days! I really love where we are at. It is beautiful and I have met a lot of great people. I stay busy and am doing much more socially then I ever anticipated I would be this early on. I am part of a wonderful twins group and have found some great friends through it and from our ward. It certainly isn't the same yet, but how could it be? I know this transition will get easier with time (or we'll move back :)).
My sister is doing remarkably well and I know I can support and love her even from Colorado.
Rosie slept until 4:15 Sunday night and 4:45 last night so that was a wonderful relief.
AND I have a new diet where I am forcing myself to eat 10 baby carrots before I can eat anything between meals which is obviously a fail proof plan and I'll be fit as a fiddle in no time.:)
So...things are looking up.
No more grouchy, weepy, me. Promise.

Busy Busy and 12 weeks old

We have had a whirlwind few weeks. We had visits from both sets of grandparents and went to Salt Lake over Labor Day to have the girls blessed. It was so wonderful to have the help, be with family, see some friends, and just have a change to the routine. It has taken me a few days to remember how to take care of these two cutie pies on my own during the day but we are getting there. They are growing so fast! They were exactly 10 lbs at 10 weeks and even more now. Time goes by so fast. I have pictures of them all over my fridge and I can't believe how different they look from just a few weeks ago. They are smiling up a storm (especially Rosie) and Evie has really started to find her voice. It is so much fun being a mom and I feel so blessed to have these little girls. I love watching them learn new things and really start noticing and interacting with the world and people around them. They are sleeping from about 10:30 to 4:30 most nights and I feel very lucky.

I'm overwhelmed at the thought of trying to write about everything from the last few weeks AND the girls and I are due to eat and watch Dr. Phil in about ten minutes....so I think I'll just post a bunch of pics. :)

Out on Pearl Street...always feeding


Rosie and Evie's first trip to the movie theater.


Blessing Day



Twin cousins Cassidy and Meredith


Great Grandpa Richardson

Out for a walk behind our apartment

Grandma Meakin